𝔹𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 ➂

𝟛𝟞.

"I was thinking about you." I blurt out the words and immediately regret them when Amelia's eyes widen.

"What?"

"When I went there last night I just..." I push myself off the door and then walk up to her. "Did you feel that last night or was that just me?" She nods her head and my heart hurts in a way I didn't expect it to.

"I don't know what you want me to say." She sighs and looks away from me, dropping her crossed arms down to grip the desk on either side of her hips. "I thought we were over this. I thought we'd moved on."

"I don't think this will ever be something we move on from but I need you."

"Jamie, we can't—"

"I need my best friend." I state, interrupting her again. "What do I do? I think I'm falling in love with Adri but I cannot get you out of my head. Tell me what to do." I plead with her. She'd always been the one I relied on for any type of relationship advice. As fucked up as our situation is I still trust her more than any other person to tell me what she thinks I need to do. "Please, Mellie, I need you to help me."

"Jamie..." I grab one of her hands and hold it in mine. "How can I help you when I'm the problem?" I feel my heart sink. "When I still have feelings for you?"

I squeeze her hand in mine saying, "because you're you. You're my Mellie even if you aren't mine in that way." I watch her blink back a few tears before her jaw sets. "What do I do?"

"Tell her. Be honest with her." Her eyes find mine, completely glazed over. "Tell her you and I still have feelings for one another but we know it won't work. That we're trying to be just friends but it's hard after what we've been through. Adri really likes you. She's in love with you. She'll hear you out."

"I know but I feel like such a fucking dick because I was thinking about you last night." Every time I looked into Adri's eyes I saw Amelia.

"What do you mean by that?" I purse my lips and look off to the side of the room feeling ashamed of myself for thinking of another woman while being with Adri. Especially bad considering the outcome. "Oh Jamie, not while you were—"

"I know." I pull my hand away from her guiltily. "I know I'm fucked up for that."

"You're not fucked up for that." She reaches for my hand again, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I knew something was off with you at dinner. I knew it was the moment we had in the kitchen. I knew it was what we talked about." She bites her bottom lip. "Because I felt the same way."

I don't think twice before reaching down to kiss her but the moment our lips are about to meet I put my forehead on hers, stopping myself. We can't do this. I wrap my arms around her and hug her into me. Her arms go around me as well, hugging me back.

We just hold each other wordlessly like that for a long time. I don't exactly know how long but long enough that when we finally let go of each other I know I smell of her and her of me. I know the moment I go back to my office all I'd be able to smell and think about is her.

✩✩✩

I'm sitting on the couch across from Adri waiting for her to say something, anything. She's been quiet for a few minutes now. I'd told her about what happened earlier with Amelia. I told her how I was feeling the other night. I told her everything and now she's just sitting there, staring at the coffee table.

After what seems like an eternity she finally says, "so, let me get this straight, you still have feelings for her." I nod my head. "You were thinking about her while we were together the other night. While we were having sex you were thinking about Amelia."

I cringe but still nod my head. "Not the entire time though." Well, not exactly.

"Regardless, you still thought about her while you raw dogged me and fucking came in me." I can't help cringe again at the bluntness of her words. "But you're in love with me or at least think you're falling in love with me?"

"Yes. I really really like you, Adri. I've never been in a relationship like this or for this long." She blows out a long breath. "Adri, I'm really sorry. If you want to end things then I completely understand. I just thought it was better to be honest with you and tell you how I've been feeling. I don't want to hide anything from you. I really like you and I want things to work out between us."

"No, I respect you for that." Her words surprise me. "Jamie, we started out our relationship as just casual fuck buddies and you were always very emotionally distant. A great fuck but always emotionally distant. I never really understood but now I do."

"What do you mean?" I get the general consensus of her words but not the exact meaning of her words.

"Well, the two of you were friends for like your entire lives pretty much, right?" She states.

"Yeah." I answer her honestly. "We grew up together."

"Then you guys ended up fooling around and then caught feelings." I nod my head at her again. "The two of you experienced something traumatic together too. That's a lot and I'm your first relationship after all of that."

"You are." I answer, even though it seems like she's gathered that.

"Well you can't expect the feelings you have for each other to dissipate if you still stay close with one another." I feel my lips go into a flat line knowing what she's going to suggest next. "Maybe the two of you need some space from one another. Give yourselves a chance to grow apart."

"You want me to stop being friends with Amelia?" My words are monotonous. Every girl I've ever dated has wanted me to stop being friends with Amelia. No one has ever had a valid enough reason for it though. I'd never given them a reason for them to make me stop. But I had definitely given Adri a reason.

"I'm not really saying you can't be friends with her exactly. I'm just saying maybe the two of you should take some more space from one another. I can ask my dad to get her a job somewhere else. I'm sure he wouldn't mind considering—" I hold up a hand, cutting off her words.

"You're not going to get Amelia fired because of me, Adri. I'm not going to let you do that to Mr. Warner especially considering Denver is Amelia's father." Adri makes an odd face at the last part of my statement. "You do know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Her voice is uncharacteristically timid and I wonder what that's all about. "I guess I just forget sometimes."

"Then you know it's not fair to put your dad in that kind of position." She nods her head in agreement. "I'll never stop being her friend but I can agree on putting some space between her and I. If it's what makes you feel more comfortable, I'll do that for you; for us."

"Okay." She twists her hair in her fingers, looking at it. "Why didn't you tell me you'd gotten her pregnant?" I'm slightly taken aback by her question and when I don't automatically answer her bright blue eyes find mine. "We don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's fine." I run my hands down each of my thighs and then grab ahold of my knees. "She lost the baby before we even knew she was pregnant." I tell her the rest of the story and everything that happened between Amelia and I after. By the end she's just sitting there looking at me in an interesting way.

"Yeah, if we're going to seriously try and make this work then you're going to need to take some serious space." I hold her eyes for another moment before leaning forward and clasping my palms together. "I want to be able to trust you, Jamie." She leans forward as well, mimicking me, and wraps her hands around mine. "Don't give me a reason not to."

I look back up at her. "I won't. I promise." And it's a promise I make to myself and her, fully knowing I may not be able to keep it.