Pieces Of Aamirah

Chapter forty-seven

Abuja, Nigeria.

***

Dear Ya Ashraf,

A lot is happening and I need you, so bad.

I've found Mama. My Mama. Our Mama. I found her..

Earlier today, I saw Amina. Ya Rabeel Aalameen.. you won't believe this but she looks so much like you it's scary. She is tall, so tall.. maybe even taller than me– who knows. She is pretty too MashaAllah and oh My God.. Ya Ashraf I am crying so hard right now it's hard to write.

I want to meet Mama but somehow I don't feel ready. Wait.. did I mention she is blind? Yes! Our Mama is blind.

I don't know how to face her Ya Ashraf, I'm afraid a part of me will not like her because of what I've been through. I don't blame her.. of course not! What happened to me is not Mama's fault but she will definitely blame herself for it.

How do I even narrate the heart wrenching story to her? Maybe I should let her read the letters, it will be easier but then again.. she can't see, how on earth will she read the letters?!

My heart feels so heavy. I can't do this alone. I need you Ya Ashraf, we have to do this together. We are a team. A team! Ashraf and Aamirah.

Khaleel said it's now "Aamirah and Khaleel" but it doesn't feel like it..

Not when he doesn't look at me the same way or touch my hand the way he used to do.

I'm watching him sleep and a part of me wants to run over and confess my undying love for him but then again I can't.

I didn't run away from my rapist, face my demons and fight depression just to end up with someone who doesn't like everything about me.

I am worth more.

I deserve more– right? Yes....I do.

Maybe the day Khaleel understands that then I will confess my love for him in the meantime, I will wait.

I will wait for him because my heart is with him.

With Ibraheem Khaleel.

Love,
Mimi

***

Dear Ya Ashraf,

It's morning and I barely slept last night.

I've accepted the fact that you are not here and I have to do this alone.

I sincerely cannot wait to hug Mama and feel her warmth resonate through my body– sorry you won't get to experience that! I'll hug her longer on your behalf!

Khaleel is still avoiding me. It's hard, really hard but then again he needs to figure out what he wants– alone!

Anyways...today is the day! No more hiding, no more cold feet. I have to do this.

Wish me luck!

Love,
Mimi.

***

Khaleel,

If you see this.. then know words are failing me woefully.

I have so much I want to tell you, so much I want to show you, it's a whole world full of love, just for you.

When your ready, come and look for me because my heart, my best memories and my smile will forever be with you.

You hold the key to my happiness, my Peace.