A Woman Like Me...

That Sinking Feeling

     Trace was pacing back and forth across the living room floor.  He had not seen or heard from Mercy all day.  At first, he had not thought much of it.  He had found out that she had taken a mission last night and while he could not understand why she did that, while they were throwing a party, he had figured that she was still out taking care of that.

     Last night, after he had realized that she was gone, he had left Jay to party by himself.  He had gone to back to his room, disappointed that Mercy was not there with him.  He had not even wanted to throw this party.  He had only done so out of obligation to Jay; he had been a good uncle and he deserved to let loose.  Also, he was not sure if perhaps Mercy needed the break as well, she had been so great with Allegra.  Once he had been granted full custody, he did not even have to ask Mercy to fulfill the mother role; she stepped into it automatically.  It was a perfect fit as well.   Everyone thought that Mercy was Allegra's biological mother; her and Allegra were very close.  Allegra trusted Mercy over anyone and everyone, himself included.  He had wanted Mercy to feel like she could feel free to get wild when she wanted despite their parental roles.

     When she left, he had realized that she may not have needed or wanted the party scene as much as he had believed she might.  Early the next morning, he had risen from bed, not being able to sleep well without Mercy by his side.  He was immediately saddened to see that her half of the bed was still cold and empty.

     He had decided to go to his parent's house, it was only four-thirty in the morning, but Allegra was an early riser.  By the time he arrived, she would likely already have his parents awake.  He got up, took a quick shower, and prepared to leave.  As he approached the garage, he reached for the keys to his Bugatti and then thought better of himself.  As much as he loved his car, she was not the right vehicle to be driving a child in.

     He sighed as he reached for the keys to his more sensible, mid-size, Audi SUV.  He had bought it a few months after Allegra had come to live with him.  He had grown tired of Jay complaining about his borrowing his Maserati.  So, he relented and bought one of the top-ranking SUVs for safety and luxury.  His daughter was going to have the best.

     He went to the vehicle and started it up, heading out of the garage and towards his parents.  He arrived at their home about forty minutes later.  When he went inside, he was not surprised to find everyone awake and in the kitchen.  His father was playing with Allegra at the dining table while his mother sat on her phone, unfazed by the presence of her infant granddaughter.  He sighed, shaking his head, he did not know why he was surprised, she was always disappointing him.

     He had almost not agreed to allow his parents to take Allegra for the weekend after the way his mother behaved the other night at dinner.  He had been so enraged by the way she had spoken to Mercy.  He had arranged the dinner in an attempt to bring them closer together as a family.  But his mother could not even manage to behave for even a few measly hours.

     Trace had something big planned and he had been hoping that he would be able to mend the relationship with his mother before it happened.  But if his mother, wanted to stand her ground on this, then she would just not be involved in their lives very much, if at all.  He was tired of her belittlingly Mercy and he would not allow for Allegra to hear these things as she grew older.  She was learning more and more every day, she adored Mercy and Trace could not handle the thought of her thinking any less of Mercy because of something his mother or Portia had said.  The thought disgusted and infuriated him.

     If he could go back in time, he would not avoid creating Allegra; he would never regret his daughter.  But he would trade Portia's place with Mercy.  If he was going to make a mistake, he wished that it had been with her.  He imagined how much better Allegra's life would be if Mercy really was her mother, full time.  That scenario would have been so much more preferable for, both, her and him.