Aberrant

Thirty-Five: Dex

"And there's no chance I can fight them off." I say. 

Amar shakes his head, "No, I'm sorry Dex. I truly am."

"Why are you apologising? It's not your fault I'm going to be thrown into a Chasm."

"I could've done more."

"Could've done what, exactly?" I say bitterly, "Whatever you wanted to do, I wouldn't have let you."

We sit in silence for a bit, before Amar says quietly, "There is someone who could help."

"Who?" I ask, jerking my head up to meet his. 

"A tattooist," he says, grabbing a piece of paper, tearing a corner off it and scribbling something down, "Her name is Tori. She's tall, Asian, in her 40s and has two tattoos on her neck and arm. Hard to miss. Ask to get a tattoo and then give this to her." He holds the piece of paper out to me. "Then she'll know I sent you."

I don't take the note. "But then I'll have to get a tattoo." I object. 

"Yeah?" Amar says, "And?" He waves the paper in front of me. 

"It means I'll be lying to myself about who I am."

Amar stares at me, and then says, "Well, just get one that means something to you, then." He forces the piece of paper into my hand. 

"Like what?" I ask stubbornly. 

He rolls his eyes is exasperation. "Like, I don't know," He waves his right hand in the air vaguely as if trying to capture an idea, "Like, a lion. You're pretty fierce."

"But I'm a human." I object. 

"Then get a Dauntless symbol. You consider yourself to be brave, don't you?"

"But I'm not Dauntless yet."

Amar swears under his breath, and then says, sounding stressed, "Just get a tattoo! Any tattoo! It's that or your life! You understand?"

I frown. "Fine." I say curtly. I crumple the piece of paper into my fist and leave the room. 

As I head outside, I see that the others are chatting in the hall outside the door. Plato is yet to go in. 

"Hey Dex," says Sam, "Do you want to go and get some food with us?"

"I'm going to get a tattoo," I say. Saying 'no' would have been a lie. 

"Oh," Sam blinks in surprise. 

"Do you want us to come too?" Amy asks. 

"No." I reply. 

"Ok, well, see you later then, I guess?" Sam asks, as he and the others begin to head to the Cafeteria. 

"Sure." I say, and begin making my way towards the Pit. 

Plato grabs me by my arm, as the others walk off. "You ok?" He asks. 

"No." I say, but then, seeing his face, I add, "But I will be." Plato nods, his face worried, as Amar calls the next person to go in. 

I head into the Pit. The music is, as always, loud and blaring. Normally it would make me smile, but the song booming out from the loudspeaker now is titled, 'In the Face of Death'-a popular number created by the Dauntless themselves. So it's near impossible to forget about my own potential fate looming over me. 

Clutching the note tighter in my hand, I scan the tattooist section for any sign of the woman Amar described. Going through with this feels weird, but I've accepted Amar's help now and I can't go back on it.