If I Fell│John Lennon/Beatles FanFiction

Chapter 21 - 2.June.1961

"So then, what the hell was it?"

"I don't know." I pushed out a sigh as I tried to come up with something coherent. "His hand went around my wrist, and me dad had done that a few times. And then it was like I was back there, in his house, living the abuse all over again. I knew I wasn't there, I knew where I was...I knew it was Jürgen. But I kept seeing me dad's fists. I know I sound a bit batty."

He hugged me closer to his side, and I pushed my head to his chest, closing my eyes for just a moment, allowing him to guide me. We clicked into place, like the two pieces of a puzzle we'd been for years. Being this close to him again was like coming home.

It was a dangerously slippery slope being so close to John Lennon. But I couldn't pull away from him, at least not yet.

"You're safe," he said into my ear.

And I knew I was because I was with him.

I absently pushed my finger against my throbbing temple as I pried my eyes open and saw that we were getting closer to the flat.

"But you didn't need to punch him, John." It came out a bit harsher than I'd anticipated. But I'd seen enough fists flying to last a lifetime.

"Thought he was hurtin' you."

"He wasn't, and I'd rather you not go punching people for no reason."

It was almost crazy to say that to John considering how many fights he'd gotten in over the years. But he was changing, getting better. He didn't need to mourn the loss of his mother through his fists anymore. 

"It wasn't for no reason." His gaze flicked upward, and he pushed out a long breath. "Fuck, Liv, you shoulda seen the look on yer face, it was like he was torturing you. I didn't know what to do."

"Yeah, well...sorry. I don't really know what was wrong with me." I pulled him to a stop in front of the doors to the flat and allowed myself one more moment with his arm around me before I pressed my lips together and stepped out of his embrace. I tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "Erm, this is it."

"I know." He stood in front of me, staring at me. "I've been here before, ye twit."

"Yeah, right. Sure. I knew tha," I rambled as I fiddled with my hair. "Goodnight, then." I ducked my head and reached for the door with the key in my hand.

"I'm comin' in." He wrapped his hand around mine. "There's more."

"It's bloody late, John," I mumbled as I rubbed at my temple again. "What do'ya mean there's more? Can't it wait?"

"Just let me in."

I clenched my hand as I stepped toward him. I knew this had to do with whatever Astrid had told him, and I was worried about what she'd decided to divulge. There were things John didn't need to know, and it wasn't her right to tell him.

"Say whatever you need to say here."

"Bloody hell," he said, his tone sharp. "Inside, Liv. Now."

I mumbled every swear I knew as I clenched my teeth together and pushed the key into the lock. The door swung open, and I pulled the key from the handle before striding toward the stairs, not once looking behind me.

I wished my sour mood would've deterred him from following me, but his footsteps echoed in the silent stairwell as he trailed just a few steps behind me.

My hands shook as I opened the door to the flat, still not looking behind me. I refused to acknowledge his existence because he wasn't meant to be in the flat with me. Hadn't that been the whole point of trying to get into a row with him on the street?