Carrying The Weight Of The World [on hold]

01 - Ever The Same

“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fall apart, that’s true strength.”

- Anonymous

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EVER THE SAME

Why do we do the things we do? Why do we do them even when we know we would be better off doing something entirely different? This question was something I tried not to think of when I noticed the blinking digits on my alarm clock, and when I hurried out of bed. In my haste, I had gotten up too fast and my sight turned hazy, even blackened at the edges. Before I knew it, I had my left foot stuck in my sheets and I almost stumbled face first to the floor. In the fight with my linen, I'd hurt my foot but ignored the pain while I hurried out of my room and peeked in my mother's bedroom as I skidded past it. The door stood wide open, but the bed was empty. She hadn't come home last night, again. As much as it made my blood boil, I couldn't do anything about it. There wasn't anything any of us could do, except to have faith that one day, she would realize what she was doing.

"Damn it," I muttered to the empty hallway while I made my way to the last door on the right. Not that there where many doors; one to the room I shared with my younger sister, a door that led to the room of my two brothers, my mom's room, and then finally the bathroom.

I opened the door, careful not to wake Declan, my older brother. I tiptoed to the bed nearest to me and shook the covers. No reaction. I shook a little harder and whispered my brother's name.

"Tommy, come on. Wake up! You're going to be late for school."

I had no idea how he did it, but Tommy could go from fast asleep to wide awake in a single second. He smiled me good morning and nodded when he noticed that I held my finger to my lips while I pointed to the other bed in the room. He got out of bed whilst rubbing his eyes with his left hand, and headed to the bathroom. Declan didn't seem to have heard us, so not to wake him, I closed the door as silent as I could when I left the room.

Downstairs I searched the cabinets for food but couldn't find anything else but rice crackers and orange juice. I could swear we still had a box of cornflakes the day before, but it had magically disappeared. While taking a clean glass for Tommy, Xeena nudged her head to my legs and even though I knew she meant well, I just didn't have the time to play games. Then again, an almost full-grown Golden Retriever that likes to get attention isn't easy to ignore.

"Alright, alright." I sighed while I walked over to the back door and found it already unlocked. Just like I was certain we'd still have at least half a box of cornflakes, I was also certain I locked that door when I had gone to bed. After making a mental note to talk to Declan about it, I let Xeena outside and watched as she scared the pigeons away that waddled around in our backyard. I shook my head in amusement.

Out of habit, I glanced at the display of the microwave to see the time, but those digits were blinking too. Limited electricity, there was only so much you could do with that. Another thing I'd have to mention to Declan. Knowing that I would forget all of it, I searched for a piece of paper and something to write so I could write down a list. I wrote cornflakes, electricity, backdoor. I left the pen on the table and went upstairs to see what took Tommy so long.

After I told him to hurry, to eat breakfast, and that I'd buy him lunch on the way, I quickly got dressed as well. I couldn't find my shoes and cursed out loud, until I came to the conclusion that Jessie must've worn them the night before. She stayed over at a friend's place and although I was happy I to have our room to myself for a change, I wasn't exactly thrilled by the fact she'd taken my shoes. Sometimes, that fifteen-year-old girl really got on my nerves.