Breaking the Code

Setting You Free

I totally didn't cry when writing this whatttttt.... pftsh..... um anywayyyyy enjoy? Loves!!

Sang

You will hurt them.

Will hurt them.

Hurt them.

I would hurt him.

I would hurt Crawler.

I knew that I would end up back in this office. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep my secret completely after this morning. I didn't know that these people knew Crawler. I didn't know that these people knew that I was DyingHacker. I didn't know that I would hurt him.

You will hurt them.

I shouldn't be surprised. Everyone around me ends up hurt in one way or another. I should have figured that I would hurt him but I didn't. I never thought about how I would hurt Crawler only about how I missed him. I can't believe how selfish I was. I can't believe I almost put him in harm's way.

After school I'll go to the dinner and leave one last note explaining that I won't be in contact anymore. I'll give him a clean break. Maybe whatever curse that follows me everywhere won't have had the chance to touch him yet. I can't risk Crawler. I would rather never talk to him again than put him in danger.

Once we reach office 14B Brandon is asked to leave. I look around to see who all will be present for this meeting and place the names with those I found in the files. Owen Blackbourne is present in the impeccable suit, my Japanese teacher Dr. Sean Green is here and lastly we have Gabriel. I guess that after this morning it's a given that he's here.

All three of them are sitting so I should probably too but I can't seem to get myself to move. My mind keeps turning back to those words. You will hurt them. It's like a manta in my mind. A beat to which the death march goes. A saying that will be so frequently thought it will be on my gravestone. You will hurt them. I always do.

Owen gestures towards the seat in front of his desk before speaking but I still don't move. I feel cold. I feel numb. Everything sounds like I'm underwater but also so loud it could burst my eardrums. I need to focus. You will hurt them.

"Ms. Sorenson, I understand that you helped Mr. Coleman with a problem this morning is that correct?" The inflection is clear. He knows exactly what happened and only wants to know if I'll admit anything. Well old buddy old pal I can play the silent game. You won't be getting a reaction from me, no siry. You will hurt them.

I stare back at him blankly, not indicating one way or the other. I think this frustrates him as he reaches up to straighten his perfectly straight tie. Dr. Green is the one to speak next. I guess they decided to tag team things today.

"Miss Sang, I understand that you have something worked out with Greg that was responsible for your ability to get Gabriel out of the situation. I do want to thank you for that as we don't know what might have happened otherwise." His spring green eyes show an honesty that is rare. It makes me want to tell them. You will hurt them. I can't tell them.

Gabriel finally speaks. He's been staring at me this whole time. "How do you know my name?" That's all? After everything he saw this morning that's what he wants to know? If how I found his name wasn't illegal I might tell him. I still haven't shown any reaction. Dr. Green is starting to squirm at my blankness. Good, maybe everyone will realize and leave me alone. You will hurt them.

Owen clears his throat again. "Last week when you spoke to everyone you weren't threatening us were you? No, I think you were trying to protect us. Why do you want to protect us?" I almost cracked at that. For years I've watched these boys. For years I've seen everything and helped them from the shadows. I want to tell him but I won't. I feel my face start to move and school it back into place.

A gleam appears in his steel grey eyes. Owen rises from his chair and approaches me slowly. When he's about two feet from me he stops. "Ms. Sorenson, while I don't understand what it is you did I want to personally thank you. Mr. Coleman has had several instances since school began of people threatening him. I do know that there have been less as of late. I believe this is attributed to whatever you did and I am exceptionally grateful. Is there any way you would tell us what it is you do so that we may help?"

I stare into his eyes for what feels like hours but is only a couple minutes in reality. They believe they can help but they can't. You will hurt them. I won't allow these good people to become involved in something that is dangerous. If one of my deals goes wrong I run the risk of getting the crap beat out of me. It doesn't matter how dumb you are if you can fight.

The people at this school are the exact reason there are instructions on a box of Pop-Tarts. They can't tell their ass from their head but they can fight. I've seen it, I've lived it, I've beaten it. They haven't. I finally shake my head no. I can't tell them. Looking to Gabriel I try to apologize with my eyes.

"While I may want to, I can't. There are things in motion that have been on the board for a long time. You all seem like good people. I won't put your pieces on the board. I won't tell you anything because I won't be the cause of your harm. If you know what's good for you, you'll leave and never look back. I don't know what you came here to do but I promise," I look directly at Owen for this last part. "nothing is worth the damage that will come if you stay." I hear Dr. Green mutter something but I don't care enough to try and focus on it.

They try to ask a few more questions over the remaining ten minutes but I don't react at all. I like these people. I've watched them help each other and many more. I've seen the way they care for each other. In another life I may have tried to be friends with them. Unfortunately this isn't another life. Unfortunately in this life pain and sorrow are the only things I bring and I won't let myself infect this group.

As soon as the bell rings I'm out the door and mixing with the crowds. My mind keeps flashing between the softening of Owen's eyes and the words Brandon said. It appears that at least one person understands. I'll hurt them if they keep trying to be near me. I won't do so on purpose but it will happen. I don't want to hurt them. In a way I have come to think of them as mine and I don't want what's mine to be hurt.

When I get off the bus I dash inside to check in. Mrs. heavily asleep so I quickly make my way out of the house. Half running to the dinner down the street I mentally go over the letter I wrote on the bus ride home.

Camomile Tea is how you will remember me.

DepthCrawler, over the years I feel I have come to know you well. I have loved our talks and I cherish everything you have taught me. I remember every single debate we've had. I have thought of you as my hope, as my light for a long time. It's because of this that I can't speak to you anymore. Crawler you are so GOOD that I refuse to allow my life to taint you. I hope you can find and achieve everything you have ever dreamed of. I will always think of you but I hope you will forget me. I do love you Crawler. You will always be in my heart and mind. Please live your life in such a way that will help you and others as I know that's all you've ever wanted. I am happy you are finally free of your past so now I must free you of me.

Signing off for the last time,

DyingHacker

I enter the dinner and glance around. Seeing no one I recognize I make my way up to the counter. I don't know the lady behind the counter but that doesn't matter. "M'am, is there any way you could give a message to someone for me?" She looks me up and down then gives a soft smile.

"Sure dear, I can do that. Can I do anything else for you?" I shake my head no and hand her the letter. I know that this is finally it. After all this time I won't be getting anything back. I should be happy I'm setting him free but all I can think of is the lead weight in my stomach. I look at the lady one last time and tell her, "Please give this to anyone asking for DyingHacker." with that I turn and race outside.

I run the entire way home and don't stop until I'm in my tree. A tear finally leaks out. I haven't let any fall in years and I only let one fall now. After that I just stare at the world moving around me. You will hurt them. I know I did the right thing. It doesn't matter how I feel because I know that Crawler will be free just as he should have been the minute he got away from his father.