Breaking the Code

SHIT!

*TRIGGER WARNING*  Self harm. Please enjoy! Loves!!

Brandon

I hate seeing Corey go through this. I've spent my whole life trying to protect him and I can't protect him from this. The one person he felt he could be a superhero for is the only one who can. What he doesn't understand is that so many people are still alive because of him. I'm still alive because of him.

Four years ago

"You worthless piece of SHIT! I wish your mother had gotten rid of you! You are the one who should be gone not them! I never wanted you two, only your mother and sister!" Every insult is punctuated by a hit. Corey tried to take my place for this one but I won't let him. I couldn't save May but I can save him.

By the time the beating is over I drag myself upstairs to our room. Looking at the razor blade I hid under my bed I think about it. I always think about it. Before Mama died it wasn't as bad for me. Before May and Mama got on that plane it was only a few hits here or there. Before the plane went down I didn't have scars on my legs. It's so much easier to use the blade there.

Corey knows something is off about the thin lines of scars but he doesn't know that I do them to myself. He doesn't know that after Father let his friends 'watch' me for a night I started to mark myself. It would be so easy to dig the blade into my neck or my arm and end it all.

With tears streaming down my face I make four new lines along my thigh. The release is my control. The thin line of crimson centers me. I'm so transfixed I don't hear Corey walk in. "B!" His yell snaps me out of my trance.

My twin kneels in front of me and pries the blade out of my hand. "B, I can't lose you too." The tears streaming down his face are ugly. The red streaming down my leg is beautiful. I look into Corey's eyes so much like my own. The water falling down his face matches the water falling down mine.

"Corey, I need to control this. Cor look." Pointing at my leg I start to swirl the lines no longer weeping. "I can't do it anymore Cor. I don't want to." I don't want him to have to deal with what I do but I can't take it anymore. The water falling down my face mixes with the red on my legs and starts to mute the color.

"Brandon please, I'm working on it. WE'RE working on it. The plan is set and it'll work. Hold on for me brother. I lost one sibling, don't take my other half from me." Wrapping me in a hug we both cry. Father is out for the rest of the night. I know that soon I'll have to go with him again but for now, for now I'll let my brother hold me. I won't turn back to the blade. At least I'll try not to.

Present

Raven is holding Corey much like he held me all those years ago. I start to tell him we'll find her. I tell him that it'll be ok. I give him the hug he needs then I watch as Raven drives him home. Tonight won't be a good night for him. Tonight he needs to be held and not allowed out of sight. Corey may not have my history but I know that he's fragile. My brother is so happy and believes in the good things. I can't let anything take that from him.

Making my way inside I go to ask Uncle if I can look at the cameras. Maybe one of them caught something and we can find her. I want to find this girl and not just for Corey. I've read some of their emails and I know that she's in a bad place. I want to find her so we can help her. I don't want to leave someone in that kind of position.

Pushing open the door to the office I ask "Hey, did you by chance see anything earlier tonight? It would be around 8. The person who left a message at the counter." Uncle glances up from his computer and thinks for a moment. After a few seconds something clicks in his head.

"Yeah! The girl was really sweet. Tiny with reddish-blonde hair and green eyes. She had the chocolate chip pancakes." Thank fuck! If he remembers her then she's on the cameras somewhere. Asking if I can look through the cameras I log into the extra computer in the office.

I rewind everything to about 7:45 and watch. Right about 7:50 a small girl goes up to the counter and says something. She then hands over a note and goes back to her seat. I make a copy of the video and send it to my phone. Once I get back to the apartment I can try and zoom in to catch her face. Maybe by that time Corey will be able to help.

It only takes me about fifteen minutes to get back home. As soon as I walk in I go to the computer I keep in the living room and upload the video. I look at Corey and Raven curled up on the couch and note that they're both asleep. As much as I want help with this Corey needs sleep. Today has been very emotional for him.

Once the video is finished loading I apply a filter to make things more clear. When I see the girl turn away from the counter I freeze it and start zooming in. Once I get close enough to see her features I freeze. Shit! This is NOT good.