Brokenness rant

Myself...Part two

When I finally got back home, I lock myself inside my room.

Loneliness is now becoming my best-friend, that I am deeply acquainted too. And tears just keep falling down in my cheeks whenever those memories starts to crept in my head.

Friends failed.
Family failed.
Love failed.

Did I made any mistake?
Why is it so hard to accept?
My boring life is just becoming like a monotone, it keeps repeating over and over again.

Until my eyes started to get blur, because of too much tears that I have shed.

And I just fall asleep with my wet pillows beneath my cheeks.

You try to forget the pain but you just couldn't..

I tried to drink as much alcohol as I can, just trying to forget it but, it is still there, looming around at the back of my mind..

This room just feels cold again without you...

You lied to me, saying you will stay..but-

Where are you?

I feel like I just want to wrap myself up and just bury myself underneath the sheets, unable to get up.

"They say life without love is not worth living.."

It's true that life without you is just an empty life and it feels like, I am dead inside.

There is no inspiration.
No color.
Nothing more that will add up to my life.
Just a complete silence.

Then I told myself, isn't it better this way. There will be no more baggage that I could think of just myself. It feels more lighter now that I'm all alone again.

No one I can worry but myself.

No one to hurt but myself.

No one that can make me happy but myself.

No one to encourage or support just myself.

Dear self,
        Please don't force to accept things too quickly or it will just hurt you more... learn to accept things slowly and accept the fact that someone you love doesn't exist anymore... it's not easy but we will learn how to slowly adapt from it...