BRICK by BRICK

chapter 8

During the ride back home, I'm anxious. What could Xiad possibly be doing at my house. The pressure is building up and i also can't forget what just happened with Chris. I've always wanted to ONLY have sex after graduation but it looks like I'm getting closer than I normally would. In any case, if i were to lose my virginity, it would not be to Chris!

I almost don't realise we've arrived as I ruminate on the bike. "Yo! Bubs, we've arrived." I hear Chris say while climbing off the bike. "Yea.. sure. Thank you." I reply making sure to not look into his eyes. "Just do what you have to do and we'll leave, I still have to take you to that place I told you about" Chris says. Oh, I almost forgot he bought me fancy clothes so he could take me to "that place". "I'm not sure Chris, I..." I start but my phone starts ringing. It's Xiad. I know this because I immediately saved his number after he had called.

"Look we'll talk. I'll call you if i change my mind" I say while rejecting the call. Chris doesn't say anything, he just gets on his bike and leaves.

I enter the mansion and I'm welcomed by an angry woman sitting on the couch with her hands crossed. This is not looking too good, I think to myself. "Where..." my mom begins but starts looking up and down at me. "RESMEE JACOBS! WHAT'S THIS YOU'RE WEARING!!!" My mom starts shouting. I'm sure even the neighbours heard her. "Mom, I can explain... I... " I begin. "Explain what! Explain how you're out gallivanting with that punk! You know he just wants to use you right!" My mom yells at me. Now I am fuming!
"Oh, like dad used YOU right?" I yell back. My mom's jaw has clenched and i can tell she's ready for battle. Why did I have to say that. Xiad must've told her about Chris. Bastard!

"Young lady, do not speak like that in my house or even dare raise your voice to your mother! I could hear you all the way from upstairs!" Ben angrily says while climbing down the stairs. "Don't tell me what to do! You're not my father!" I yell out. "Oh you mean the same father who left you..who..." my mom begins. "Yes, THAT 'same father' , atleast he made me feel wanted even if it were just for a short time! He was there!" Now I was sobbing. I couldn't hold it back anymore. Those feelings i always felt I had to run away from were finally back to haunt me.

"RESMEE! RES...R..!!" My mom begins calling out as I quickly run for the stairs. The heels aren't making it any easier but i know I have to get out of here as soon as possible.

I get to my room and I'm still fuming with anger. "Hey Res, I heard your right with your mom, I just didn't want to interfere. I hope you're fi..." Xiad begins. What the hell is he doing in my room. "I can't believe you told my mom about Chris! You promised me Xiad, you promised!" I say louder than intended. "I'm sorry Res. It's just that I didn't see you at school so i came to check up on you but when i  got here and your mom told me you weren't here and that she thought you had come to school, I was worried. I had to tell her. I mean come on Res, how do I tell my heart to stop caring? It's like telling it to stop beating" Xiad says while placing his hand on his heart.

I almost blush but i can't hold it in so i just let out a little laugh. "Okay, whatever" I roll my eyes. Xiad just smiles. "You look quite... different today" Xiad says. "Different in a nice way or...?" I ask well I kinda ask. I'm not sure I really want the answer. "Different in a BEAUTIFUL way. You know you'd look good in anything." Xiad says. He's so good with his words. I just raise an eyebrow. "No, seriously. I'm not kidding you Res. Even if you were to wear a bag of chips, you'd still look enthralling" Xiad says with a smile. "Quite one for the big words huh Xiad?" I giggle. Xiad joins in.

"Speaking of big words, I kinda.. might've.. could've... maybe..." Xiad stutters. "Oh no! What is it now Xiad?what did you do?" I ask curiously.  "I.. might've.. kinda..went through your diary..." Xiad says and i almost grab his throat.
"Xiad! How could you! It's called a diary for a reason you know!" I yell. "Wait.. before you strangle me to death. I was just lazing around in your room when a bright light from across the room started blinding me. I looked around to see what it was and a glistering little book started calling out 'Xiad, Xiad.. please open me!' I couldn't help it so i gave in. When I opened it i was met with beautiful pieces of writing that made me want to keep going.. I'm so sorry Res but it's not me you should be blaming. Blame God for making you sooooo talented!" Xiad says and i feel my heart flutter.

I laugh at his melodramatic expressions and he laughs too. No one has ever made me feel good about being me like he does. "So which piece of "talented" writing did you find most amusing." I ask Xiad. "Well, all your poems are depressing and filled with melancholy" Xiad says and i slightly bump his shoulder playfully. "I'm joking. I liked i mean loved all of them but "PHILOPHOBIA" really got to me the most." Xiad says and i feel my heart sink. This poem is about him and i hope he didn't figure it out.
I stay quiet for a little while. "Uhmm.. oh.. why.. are you scared of love... mhh...or something" I finally gather the courage to say well gather the courage to stutter. "No, I'm not but i know someone whom I think might be a little scared of love" Xiad says while piercing through my eyes.

"Mhh.. do.. I perhaps know this person" I ask. I know he knows I know   it's me. "Ah please..Res! Just tell me. Speak to me. What's wrong?" Xiad says while pulling me closer to him on my bed so we're face to face. I look down but he quickly cups my chin into his warm hand and makes me look right into his eyes. "Okay..fine. I'll tell you. I've never really spoken to anyone about this so please bare with me." I request. "A few years ago, my dad left home on a 'business trip' to New York but when he returned, he wasn't alone. He was accompanied by a red haired woman who was supposedly his wife. He told us she was pregnant and that he had to leave with her to New York and i haven't seen him ever since. "

I don't realise I'm crying until Xiad wipes off one of my tears. "My mom went into a complete shutdown a few weeks after it had happened. I had never seen her in such pain that I made a promise to myself no one else would ever hurt either me or her ever again. I could hear her praying to God that my father comes to his senses and returns to her. I'd hear her scream at night and wake up sweaty due to the nightmares and she'd have deep anxiety. I couldn't bare seeing my mom like that." I could see the empathy in Xiad's blue eyes as I kept on going.

"She eventually bounced back although not completely, the nightmares had stopped and she started going out more which of course resulted in Ben. I know Ben is a good guy but I'm sceptical because I know my mom is faint-hearted. Ever since my dad left, I've never really been one to open up to people because I'm scared one day, they might all leave just like my dad did." I start sobbing.

"Look Res. I understand you've been through a lot but choosing to go through it alone won't make it any better. Your mom, Ben, heck even me...want what's best for you. You build up these high walls around you because you're afraid someone might break your heart like your dad did your mom's but truth is we all get hurt sometimes, it's just how life works. You'll fall quite a few times but heck who's counting? . You blocking everyone and everything away won't make the view clearer. You, you Resmee are a beautiful, Intelligent and strong woman and your dad is a fool to want to even for a second let you out of his sight. Put your guard down Resmee, I promise I'm unarmed."