BRICK by BRICK

Chapter 15

Song for this chapter: Explain you by JP SAXE.

I'm in the car with Xiad and I have mixed emotions. Something about him saying "us" gives me an unusual feeling. I feel scared but excited, hopeless but feeling..feeling what..I don't know. What sums it up is that I feel like a titanic waiting to happen. And at this point I can't help but sink.

He doesn't say anything. I try to say something just to break the tension but he picks up his phone and plays a song.

It takes me a while to understand the lyrics. 'I try to explain you to myself but you never seem to sound right, no matter how I try to..explain you to myself' 

I gawk at him until we get to my house but still..no word from him.

I hope he doesn't expect me to be the"bigger person" because he is the one who wronged me and not the other way around. But somehow a part of me breaks with every second I see him frown. "Xiad, would you stop already with the indirect lyrics? Say what you want to say"
Xiad says nothing, he doesn't even look at me. "You know, maybe this is why I won't even like you back, it's this cowardly behavior of yours that I just can't stand!" This is the part where he usually throws something back but this time..nothing. I notice his eyes fill up as the words escaped my mouth and it was too late to hold them back.

Before I could apologise, he stops the car. We've arrived. I didn't even notice we had already been driving for half an  hour.

"I'm sorry"
"No, I'M SORRY" Xiad says as I close his door and drives away.
Has he given up on me already? It's barely been 2 seconds since we met. Am I just that hard to tolerate?

(A few minutes later, I notice a red car parked in Ben's garage..I assume it's one of his friends.)

I walk inside the house and I just want to lay in my bed and sleep. I freeze at the sight of my first heartbreak. It's him, my dad.

Before I could even try to speak, my eyes start to pour. My mom has her eyes filled too. They always did when he was around.But I don't hate him anymore. I spent so much time hating him, there's nothing left inside for me to feel. Right now I feel..nothing.
But why am I crying so much.

"You've grown so much my Remmy, come here, come to daddy" He says with a huge smile on his face, arms wide open. Disgusting. Am I supposed to act as though everything is fine? Carry on with life as though nothing everhappened ?

'Remmy' I remember how much I used to smile when he called me that, how I'd run to him and he'd give me a pickle
Yeah, my love for pickles died with him too. And a few months ago, I would've given anything to hear him say those words 'come to daddy'.

"Don't you fucken dare call me that!"
"You lost that right the day you fucken chose to fucken leave me! John!...so please (my voice breaks and it feels as though I'm going to choke to death) don't call me that"

"Resmee dear, I know this is hard for you to take in but I called your dad over so you too could talk and..."

"Oh, so you called him over? You jackass, (I say while heading for my dad) You couldn't even just once come to see your own daughter without being 'called over?' You know what, I guess it's true what they say... ONCE A DICK ALWAYS A DI..."

"RESMEE!!!"
My mom shouts as I feel my cheek getting hot from the slap she has just given me. This is what she always does. My dad fucks up and she's there, always ready to stand up for him. It feels as though I'm reliving my painful past. Whenever he'd hit her and I'd tell her to just leave him, she'd just tell me to go away. That I wouldn't understand. She's always been naìve.

I storm out of the house and slam the door as hard as my small hand would allow.

"Remmy, Remmy..I'm so..I'm sorry" I hear him call out from the house but right now I can't be here, it's not good for me.

Xiad's p.o.v

It's Resmee.
But why is she calling me this late? I hope everything is okay.
"Res, is something wrong?" I ask calmly. She just breathes into the phone and I can hear her trying to cover the sobs with her hands.

"Tell me where you are, I'll come get you Res"
"Are you at home? Is it Chris, is it your mom? Hell! Speak to me Resmee"
I start to panic.
"I'm.. I'm at this deserted park, I..i don't even know how i got here. I'm lost and afraid. Xiad." She starts crying into the phone. Something about the way she said my name makes me feel as though I was born for this girl. To protect her, to shield her from pain. And somehow I know I wouldn't mind having to do it for the rest of my life.

I quickly try to recall all the parks there are in our town but there's thousands. "Describe the place you're at for me Res, don't worry, I'll come get you, you'll be fine okay?"
"Okay" she sobs. "Oh, there's a rusty big board here that says 'DISNEY DAYS' uhm there's a red swing right by the entry and some dead flowers next to it. Uhm..I see..I see.. i don't know Xiad! I'm so scared."

"Okay, it's okay. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. I'll be there in a sec."

I quickly run downstairs and to my mom's room. I bolt in..hoping...in fact praying in my mind she's not having a shower or something...

"Mom, mom do you, do you know where DISNEY DAYS is? Mom, wake up!"
"What the hell is wrong with you Xay! Get out of my room, I'm so tired! I'm not in the mood for your tantrums"

"Mom this is a serious. Just tell me where Disney Days is. Mom!"
"I swear I'm gonna kill you in the morning for this!" She says while squinting her eyes and opens them slowly. "What did you say you were looking for again? Disney..."

"Disney days, Disney days...." I say while getting impatient.
"Oh, that old deserted park, uhm I don't quite remember but I think it's on the same street as your grandma's house. I used to take you there everyday, I.. "

"Oh that Disney days. Thank you mom  you're an angel!!! ( I kiss her forehead and run off..so fast that I almost fall)"