My Online Diary

September 14, 2020

I was right. He's cheating.
I accidentally found out and let me tell you, ignorance is complete bliss. I found out four days ago and I haven't stopped crying much. Only when he's around do I dry my eyes. He doesn't know I know...I think. Ever since I found out I started noticing things.

-He's distant
-Acts like he loves and wants to be with me but you can tell he doesnt
-Barely kisses me
-Barely touches me
....then again why would you need or want to touch your girlfriend when you have a, more than likely, prettier side girl to do whatever with?

Her name is Jayla...Jayla with a yellow heart and sunflowers to be exact.
She's probably beautiful. She probably has long dark hair, I know that's what he likes. She probably doesn't have stretch marks and flabby skin like me. Her makeup and hair's probably always done. Her teeth perfect.
I wish I were enough.
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I forgot to say how I found out.

I was going to use his Amazon because my prime wasn't working. His apps are all jumbled because he doesn't like the neatly kept look for some reason. I was looking for the Amazon app on his phone when I saw on a hidden page a "locked" snapchat. He somehow has another snap app where he's been talking to her. I was only curious as to why the app had a lock on the icon.

I wish I never found out. My heart is shattered.

If I didn't make him happy anymore why cheat? I don't make him happy so he has to break me? I don't get it. Why wasn't I enough?

Why am I never enough?

He's currently sleeping next to me as I type this. So peaceful. I wish I could sleep. It's been rough.

Everytime I go to sleep I see him cheating, when I wake up I see his face and I see a cheater, I can't un-see it and I wish I could. I hate this.

Ignorance is complete and utter bliss.