fight for us ↠ harry styles [b2] ✓

CHAPTER 39

39—Renleigh Kensington

The urge to pack a bag and spend a few days at the penthouse was overwhelming. It was a default setting for me to distance myself when I felt I wasn't welcome. Harry refusing my help, hurt. It made me feel like I was in the way, almost like I was under his feet and he'd rather me be gone than anywhere near him. I had pure intentions but it didn't matter because I didn't understand what Harry was going through. The last time he was grieving, he lost his best friend who he hadn't spoken to in a while. This time, he lost his sister who was very close to him and their connection was much stronger and deeper than anything I've ever known about. I was never going to understand his pain therefore helping him was impossible. He didn't need me.

Then I remembered how I felt when he left in the middle of the night. Even though he texted me about it, it still left an unsettling feeling behind, it spread through my chest with ease and weighed on my heart heavily. If I would've done the same thing, I wasn't sure how he would've taken it. Clearly, he wasn't in the right state of mind, and the thought of him being out and driving with so much pain and anger in his body, clouding his thoughts, made me worry about him. Obviously, he didn't want me to baby him and take care of him but that didn't mean my heart could stop its hurting. He has never felt farther from me, physically and especially emotionally.

Leila Grace didn't appreciate her father's sudden disappearance. She was a smart girl, she knew something was wrong, and so, she cried. I loved her dearly but it got on my nerves. I was on edge because of Harry. He could be really impulsive when he is emotional and oh, he was emotional alright. I kept thinking about him in the car and the insane speed he must've been in control of and then I tasted blood from biting the skin around my nail so much. I hissed and Leila's eyes popped open but she continued to suck. Feeding her was the only way to silence her cries and it was going to put her to sleep eventually, too. I still had Mason to observe which was a weird way to put things but he was here and I was supposed to talk to him after he was out of the shower.

My arm went numb as I held my baby and by the time her lips fell apart and remained open as she slept, I couldn't feel my ass, either. Gently, I placed her in the middle of the bed and barricaded her up. She loved rolling around a lot, it was something new she discovered she could do, and now, it was impossible to stop her. There were a couple of times when we napped and she rolled off of the bed but thankfully, the stick out, wooden sides of the bed were wide enough to keep her there and prevent her from being harmed.

I checked my phone to see if Harry decided to share his whereabouts but there was nothing. I sighed and plugged my phone on charge. After the window was closed, I turned on one of the bedside table lamps so it warmed the room and let Leila sleep. I wasn't sure how Mason was doing or how he would take the fact that I wished to help but I thought, there's nothing to lose. So, I knocked on the door a couple of times and entered.

He was in bed and the telly was on. He stopped the show he was watching and I sat on the end of the bed.

"I'm not doing well," he told me before the question could've left my lips. "In fact, I'm doing horribly. This is worse than I imagined it could feel."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, feeling useless, which proved Harry's point. Kind of. I didn't know how they felt so I wasn't of any use to either of them. I was taking up space and maybe even angering them, reminding them of what happened, rather than helping them cope. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you bring my sister back to life?" he questioned and even though he didn't mean to hurt me, it left an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. Damn. Feelings fucking suck. "H is right, you know. He is not my parent. And neither are you. I'm old enough to deal with things on my own."