MOONDUST

7 🌙 Look. At. Me.

At my words his eyes went wide, squeezing my hand. "Don't call yourself that... You're nothing like that!" He sighed, the look in his eyes beyond disappointed.

"Oh, okay, because for a minute I thought this." I pulled my hand away from his to wave my hands between us. "Was just about sex." I looked at him and his speechless grimace. "Dammit Z, don't brag about me like that! Don't tell the boys how much you love to fuck your girlfriend and especially not when she can hear you!" I hissed at him, putting my hands in my hair to gather my thoughts and take a deep breath.

"What! Just about sex! If that was the case I wouldn't have been so patient for months! Come on... I'm a thoughtless dick with the boys okay!" He gritted through his teeth. Sometimes you are, yeah. "But what has all of that to do with you being this drunk and ruining our moment?" He shook his head, still not getting it, and having no clue how much anger his words just caused.

"Don't you get how freaking nervous the thought of having sex makes me! I'm scared okay! I knew you wanted it, tonight, and I got nervous! So I guess I drank to not overthink and stress anymore and finally fulfill your needs!" I was yelling at him now, fuming that he was blaming me for just being afraid.

"Don't fucking yell at me!" He shook his head, all the want and longing in his eyes replaced by flames of anger.

"Then don't yell back!" I snapped, raising my voice once more, and it only added to his fury.

"I don't even see the problem here!" He was frustrated, throwing his hands up in front of me. "It's just sex Luna! It's not even that fucking special." He yelled, annoyed and in my opinion completely unreasonable. What? He doesn't think it's special...

"It is not just sex to me Zander! I have never done it before!" I raged, and he was taken aback by the way my words attacked him. "I don't even want to know how many girls you have slept with before me... So, I guess to you, sex in general isn't special anymore... I get that!" I was still yelling while my hand motions went all dramatic and at the mention of his body count he lowered his gaze, unable to look me in the eye. "But..." I took a deep breath to lower my voice. "Don't you think sex with me... For the first time... With someone you love, should be special, or at least feel like it is? Or don't you love me?" My voice unexpectedly broke.

He looked up, unable to hide the disappointment in his now soft eyes. "Don't assume that! You know I do... I tell you enough don't I?" He asked me, desperately trying to grab my hand but I pulled it back, holding on to the sheets. "Baby..." He whispered, my distance hurting him more than I excepted.

"It's just words Zander, I need to feel it to believe it." I looked away from him, because I knew the upset look on his face would draw me back in without mercy.

"You don't feel it?" He whispered, his voice low and hurt and I could only imagine how pained the look on his face looked right now. "Luna, look at me... Please..." He begged me, and I couldn't resist to do so. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest at the sight of the tenderness in his eyes, but I still needed to tell him how I felt.

I take a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and how. "Zander, I love you... But sometimes you just act like someone I don't know." I shrugged at him, holding his gaze, which turned darker at my confession. I don't want to hurt him.

"Like what? How do I act?" He shook his head with disbelief as this was new to him, but it wasn't to me. I could see how uneven my doubts made his breathing, how worried and anxious he was getting the longer I didn't say anything. "Baby, like what?" He begged, his hands desperately cupping my cheeks. "Tell me..." He grimaced, his voice breaking into pieces. Tell him.