Confessions Of An Ordinary Whore

Pause, Rewind, Then Shut the Fuck Up

"And then I was like, 'What do you mean we're moving too fast?' Like, we've already been dating for a week so it's not like we haven't thought this through or anything. I mean, I know that deciding something like this is kind of a big deal but when you're with the right person, you just know." I grit my teeth to keep myself from having a massive bitch attack on the girl sitting at the front desk. For the last half hour I've been waiting for my appointment, she has been talking a mile a minute. It's like she never shuts up. Doesn't she have some kind of off button I can use? And of all things, does she really need to talk about the fact that her and her boyfriend are already "in love" after being together for a mere seven days? Like no, shut the fuck up.

"I know, that's totally what I said," she squeals into the phone and I roll my eyes. Isn't she supposed to be here to work, not have some sort of heart to heart over the phone? The girl continues chattering and I finally yank my ear buds out of my pocket, shoving them in as far as they go. I'm soon rescued from her incessant chatter by the sweet, sweet voice of Rihanna.

It's not even my birthday, but he wanna lick the icing off.

I know you want it in the worst way, can't wait to blow my candles out.

He want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake.

I bop my head along to the beat, feeling like I can finally hear my own thoughts. It doesn't last long though and just as Rihanna starts singing about making him her "bitch," I see a woman enter the waiting room carrying a clipboard. I quickly yank out my ear buds, cutting Rihanna off mid sentence, hoping that the name the lady calls with finally be mine. No such luck.

"Jeremy," she calls, looking around the waiting room. A middle aged, bald man gets up from his chair and ambles after the woman as she disappears back into the offices. I glance down at my phone and realize that it's been forty-five minutes since I first arrived at this goddamn place. Seriously? Don't these people know I have better things to do than sit in a waiting room for hours? Huffing, I get up and start walking towards the exit. Ain't nobody got time for this shit.

I walk out into the crisp air, not caring that when the dumb lady calls my name, I won't be there. Glancing to my right, I notice a car idling by the sidewalk. At first, I don't anything of it...until it starts to slowly follow my down the road of course. I look back over my shoulder and try to calm the panic that is slowly rising. It's probably nothing, they're probably just going the same way as you. Don't be so paranoid. That sounds about right. I give myself a quick nod and continue walking, although I may be walking slightly faster now. I tell myself that this is just because it's cold outside. I actually almost believe myself, until I see that the car is still inching along beside me and my skin starts to itch. The paranoia sets back in and my brain starts working over time. You are about to get kidnapped. Oh god, you're going to get murdered and dumped in a ditch somewhere. My breath starts coming out in quick rasps as I get more and more worked up. Okay, you're going to have to run for it. I glance over my shoulder to see how close the car is. What the hell are you doing?! Don't look back, they'll get suspicious. Just duck in between some building and run. Just as I'm about the listen to my instincts, the driver rolls down the window and speaks.

"Hey, it's a little chilly to be walking home in this weather, don't you think? Do you want a ride?" Okay...totally not what I was expecting but it could all be a trap. It's better to be safe than sorry.

"Oh no thanks, I like walking," I try to smile at the man although inside I really want to just ditch him and run.

"In fourteen degree weather? Nonsense, get in the car and I'll bring you wherever you need to go." I stare at the man wearily, trying to gauge if I should get in his car or not. On the one hand, he could be some creepy pervert who plans on locking the doors as soon as I get in and taking me to his place so he can "have his way with me." On the other hand, it's freezing as shit and I really do hate walking.