Confessions Of An Ordinary Whore

Somebody's Daughter

Mothers have a way of making you feel shity about every little part of your life. It's not their fault really. They birthed you, adopted you, raised you. It makes sense that they'd wanna see their little hatchling all grown up and being successful in life. They set expectations for you without realizing it because they just believe in you so goddamn much. When you don't or can't meet their expectations, you feel like a failure. Like you've let down the most important person in your life. Oh of course, she'll try to hide her disappointment with a smile, but you can see the truth lingering there in her eyes. So you go somewhere far away from home, thinking this is what you truly want. You go somewhere where she doesn't have to see you fuck up time and time again, where she doesn't have to witness all her hopes and dreams for you being flushed down the toilet. All the times she rocked you to sleep after you cried for hours, or the times she cleaned up your vomit with a small smile, or the day she sent you off to kindergarten thinking you were going to turn into something great. All of it was a waste because, here you are, far away from home, in your cold, empty apartment. Pretending to be strong and that you've got your life together, that you don't need mommy anymore cause you're an adult when really, all you wanna do is call home and hear her say that everything will be okay. That she's not mad or disappointed and that you can finally come home where you can snuggle close to her side and breath in her familiar scent. That she still loves you.

But life doesn't work that way. You constantly fuck up and you tell yourself you'll do better next time when you know you're just gonna continue in the vicious cycle. You're not mommy's little girl anymore. You've had too many boyfriends, you never got enough A's in school and you would rather drink wine than pursue anything close to a human connection. So you keep trudging along, day by day thinking that tomorrow will be a better day. But really, there's no sense lying to yourself because tomorrow's just going to be the same as today and you're going to be just as tired and want to go home just as much. And since you can't go home, you convince yourself that you don't need to go home. You're fine. You don't need home, you don't need her. You don't need anyone. And every night you fight back the tears as you try to ignore the memory of a quiet "I love you," on the phone.

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WHY HELLO THEREEEEEEE! It's been awhile, hasn't it? Whelp, you can blame my professors for that one. They were literally all insane this past semester and their life goal was to make us cry lol. Anyway, I hope you like this update! Updates are going to be a little slow on this book, if you haven't noticed already haha. I'm thinking part one (Winter) will be ending pretty soon though so that's exciting XD I just got a new idea for the trajectory of the story the other day so I've been reworking some things in my head. I'm super excited to crank out updates but you know, slow updates and all. It's a little difficult to juggle college, sports and writing all at once haha.....well, at least if I wanna keep my sanity that is XD

Anyway, I don't know when the next update will be (Sorryyyyyyyy) but I hope you enjoyed this one. Keep your eyes peeled for the next update, hopefully with less of a wait than this one took haha. But not with an actual peeler, that would be painful ;P

Love you more than head massages (Lmao),

Kay <3