Confessions Of An Ordinary Whore

Josh Loves Disney

True love does not exist. To all those people who built their world around the idea that they’ll one day find true love, I’d say I'm sorry for shattering your dream, but I'd be lying. The truth is, you’ve been brainwashed.

As a child, I believed wholeheartedly in the myth that I would grow up, meet the perfect guy and we’d fall in love. Disney told me that I was a princess, patiently awaiting the arrival of my Prince Charming. All I had to do was get kidnapped or suffer some other horrible situation and he would be right there ready to rescue me. Sounds easy enough, right? Too bad Disney failed to include a tutorial on exactly how I was supposed to go about this. Should I go jump in front of a bus and wait for him to heal me with a kiss? Or maybe I should take the less painful route and just lock myself in my room, pretending my abusive mother kept me there? Neither of these sounds too appealing since I'd rather skip the oral herpes and staring at the same four walls would drive me insane. “Oh hello Prince Charming, don’t mind me, I've just gone mental and haven’t showered in over a year!” yeah, awesome pickup line, I know.

The last guy I dated was pretty decent. His name was Josh and he had nice abs. He was supposed to be the guy I shared my Happily Ever After with. Disney had promised me a Happily Ever After. Too bad his Happily Ever After was different than mine. His was full of romance, marriage and babies. I just wanted to date a guy and not get bored of him after two weeks. He said that was immature and unrealistic. I told him to have fun changing diapers and changed my relationship status on Facebook.

Some people call me a slut, I prefer the term “Sexually liberated.” Actually, I’d prefer if people would just mind their own fucking business but I guess you can’t have everything you want in life.