Consequence

Chapter Three

Joel felt out of place the second he walked through the damn door. It had been how ever many weeks since his accident and the next thing Joel knew, he was being taken to a house that was apparently his.

"Here we go. Home sweet home." Tommy mumbled as he unlocked the door and stepped inside waiting for his brother to follow. He did, albeit slowly, on the crutches he'd been given from his time at the Infirmary while his leg healed. Joel stood in the doorway looking around the place. It was big, spacious and very well lit. There was a strange warmth to the house he felt itching in his mind, perhaps a sense of familiarity but it was faint and fleeting when he glanced back to his younger brother.

"So this place is mine huh? Have I lived here long?"

"Uhh yeah, just over four years..."

The older man just nodded. His voice dropping back into its usual gruff manner.

"Alright then. Do I live alone? Or with someone?"

Tommy flinched at the question but thankfully Joel either didn't notice or simply chose not to pull him up on it. If the younger Miller was being honest, he had no idea how to answer. When Joel had woken up, he'd just assumed Ada was part of the Infirmary staff and when Ada had taken the decision to distance herself from Joel while he healed one step at a time, there had really been no reason to correct him. Instead only informing him she was a volunteer sometimes but worked in the stables as her main job. He had taken that as fact and moved on. He cleared his throat and led his big brother further into the home while forcing the most genuine smile he could muster without causing alarm.

"You know, why don't I leave you a while to get reacquainted with the place." He offered, trying to change the subject. "Look around...maybe you'll remember something." Joel simply hummed lowly in reply. His hazel eyes once again darting around the rooms as he grew more uneasy.

"You... uh... need any help getting around the place?" Tommy asked quietly. His hand rubbing awkwardly at his neck while fidgeting in place where he stood. "Those stairs are pretty-"

"I'm fine Tommy, I don't need babysitting alright." Joel cut off hastily. He was getting frustrated with all the coddling and while he was grateful to Tommy for looking after him during his time stuck in the Infirmary; he just wanted to get on with things now. Thankfully Tommy seemed to understand this, knowing his brother as well as he did. A small grin twitching at his lips to see his big brother was still the same stubborn bastard he'd been before. Good to know some things never change he supposed.

"Okay I'll leave you to it then; I'll swing round later to check in on you alright?"

Once again Joel just grumbled in reply but it was enough for Tommy and he turned to leave the older man to it. Leaving his keys on the side table in the hallway before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Joel left all alone with his muddled thoughts. It was strange being in a house he didn't recognise, yet there were traces of him all over the place. His boots sat by the door, his favourite books on the bookshelf behind the couch. Favourite movies piled up next to the TV, his preferred whiskey in the dining room along with that same damn bourbon he and Tommy always drank together at New Years.

There was freshly washed laundry folded and stacked in a basket by the backdoor with fishing gear, all packed and ready to go. It was odd walking around as he did. He felt like he was intruding.

The only sounds in the quiet home being the scuffs of his heavy boots and crutches scraping across the wooden floor the further he ventured in. It was a struggle getting up the stairs with his bad leg protesting as much as it did but Joel's curiosity was getting the better of him as he climbed to explore the upper floor.

He paused on the landing to catch his breath after the small effort of reaching the top of the stairs drained his already dwindling energy. He took a moment to pace him as he grit his teeth and breathed lowly through the throbbing in his busted leg. Turning by the side table and looking down at the picture of him and his brother. Tommy was smiling leaning over a fence while Joel stood beside him, a small grin of his own, holding a cup of coffee in his hands. It was strange looking at a picture he couldn't even remember being taken. Where were they? What were they doing? Who even took the picture?!

Joel rubbed at his tired eyes in a feeble attempt to fight away an oncoming headache. He figured now was a good time to try to find his bedroom as it was clear he'd already overexerted himself for the day; despite the fact that he'd done so little. But the man was still recovering and Joel knew it would take some time yet before he completely regained his strength.

He pushed himself forward towards the door in front of him, but instead of being greeted by a bedroom was met with something of a workshop.

An array of tools, books and paints all across the room, freshly crafted guitars hung on the wall, along with some half finished, that lay on the counter tops. Wood chippings littering the floor by the window as he looked closer to see a number of animal carvings on a shelf, another of a cowboy riding a horse, simply copied free handed it looked like, from the illustrations in a book and papers propped up on the side.

Did he do all this? He wondered. This was getting surreal and Joel could't stop the spinning of his head as he tried to process everything. His headache creeping back with a touch of nausea pulling at his stomach.

There was clearly a life lived here; but it wasn't his. His life was back in Texas with Sarah. Except of course...it wasn't, not anymore. And it pained Joel every time he had to remind himself of that. His fingers instinctively brushing against the broken watch on his wrist. Another sharp pang of grief hitting him; as he tried desperately to remember how it had broken in the first place...once again...nothing. 

He couldn't take it anymore, waking up in a world, a whole damn town he didn't know. Neighbours and supposed friends he didn't recognise. Learning that his baby girl was gone and that it had happened almost twenty five fucking years ago!

It wasn't fair! Joel didn't want this...he wanted to go home. Where everything made sense and to a life he knew.

He didn't understand why it was suddenly gone or who had been responsible for taking it from him. His lip curled in a snarl as his whole body trembled with anger, fists clenching and pulling his crutches, throwing them aside as they ricocheted against the wall. He threw himself forward, arms reaching out to push away any tools, papers or crafts he could get his hands on.

The unfinished guitar splintering into pieces on the floor with the other pieces strewn about the room.

Joel heaved a deep sobbing breath as he took in the destruction he had caused, his chest rapidly rising and falling as the anger in his blood slowly dissipated. His leg buckled from under him as he let himself collapse with his back against the door, sat silently.

Every inch of him ached and hurt. He didn't think he could do this, trying to remember the years of a life he couldn't recall ever having. What if the memories never came back? What if he was cursed to live this way forever.

Always closed off to a part of himself that was now a stranger to him. Or maybe whatever had happened to him was just too painful... Joel had to consider the possibility that perhaps that part of him didn't want to remember.

Maybe it didn't matter. In that moment he didn't even bother to wipe away the tears of frustration and sadness that welled in his eyes. There was no longer any shame in it. After all there was no one there to judge him for it anyway. Now that Sarah was gone, Joel was alone. Sure he had Tommy but he had his own family now, it had been a shock to learn that his brother was married but Maria seemed nice nonetheless. And it wasn't his job to look after Joel, no matter how much he insisted that it was. Joel rubbed roughly at his eyes the more he thought about it.

In that moment he decided he wouldn't burden Tommy with his recovery any longer. Joel could take care of himself. Perhaps being alone was what he deserved anyway, if someone had attacked him, they'd obviously had a damned good reason for it. Maybe this was the punishment they'd wanted for him all along.

Alone. With no family left of his own.

"Yeah maybe that was it."