Consequence

Chapter Twenty Five

A/N: Oh this is a big one and I'm actually really pleased with how this chapter turned out. *Slight trigger warning- Torture is mentioned briefly* Hope you enjoy the chapter, please review <3 

Tommy didn't know how he'd gotten here. To start off his day so normally; get up, get dressed. Have breakfast with Maria, kiss her goodbye and make his way down to the gate for a routine patrol with his brother. And then everything just went so wrong so quickly.

And now to find himself here, in an abandoned quarantine zone in southern Colorado; alone with his thoughts. It was enough to make a man go mad. To see his brother almost beaten to death, to see Ellie screaming and crying for her father figure to get up and fight a battle he knows deep down, he can't win. To comforting his sister in law after losing a husband that never died, but still disappearing right in front of her. He can't stop the thoughts and voices that race and echo in his head.

'You should have known better.'

'You should have fought harder.'

'Failure.'

'Fool.'

'Weak.'

They taunted him every hour of every minute of every day, since the ambush. The words and guilt never ceasing until it tangles around his stomach to the point of sickness and so tightly in his chest, that he can barely breathe. The dreams haunt him as he tried to sleep; of finding Joel dead or turned. The image of his brother stumbling the earth as one of those things... it's enough to make him almost afraid to close his eyes. And so he pushed.

Pushed back against the fears; the dread and the nightmares. He kept moving, kept awake. No matter what happened. His fear turned into frustration, eventually giving way into anger and resentment. So he lashed out. At Ada and the girls and at the world around him. He realises that now. And still feels deep shame for it. His apology to Ada can only make up for so much.

They're all to blame really. In their own way; for their own part everyone played in everything. From the moment Joel made the choice to fight back for Ellie's life, to right now. To this point of him standing here in the quarantine zone in southern Colorado.

God; he missed Maria at times like this. She'd always been the one to help ground him, bring him back to himself and tell him that everything was okay.

He couldn't imagine losing her like Joel and Ada had lost one another. He hoped everything was okay back home, that she was keeping everything running smoothly because; of fucking course she would, she always did. Tommy had always considered himself lucky to have married such a strong woman. Though he supposed he and Joel both had. Those two could have easily put the world to rights between them if given the chance. He remembered the day he'd first met Maria. He'd been so awestruck by her, that he'd barely taken in any of what her father had said about their set up at the hydro dam and their future plans to build the town of Jackson into something worthwhile. The man had been smitten from day one and he damn well knew it. Not that he had minded by any means. She was the best thing that had happened to him and he thanked god everyday that such an incredible woman had settled for a foolish man like him.

Maria had always pulled him up on it when he called himself foolish. A dreamer she'd called him instead and he supposed in some ways he was. It had always been the main contrast between him and Joel. His brother saw the world one way, and he, the other. He'd dreamt of a world of peace and order during his time with the Fireflies and at one time he'd believed it. Truly he did. Until he'd seen through their facade and their lies and realised it had all been a waste of time. Eventually he dreamt of a second chance building Jackson. Only this time through hard work and dedication; it had come to fruition. A place that grew so much; that families could settle and live in peace and safety. Had found their place in this new cruel world. So much so that even Joel had started to see this dream as well. And he believed in it just as much as Tommy did.