Shackles of Melancholia (Completed)

Chapter 42

Trust

Halos hindi ako makahinga sa sinabi niya. For almost five months I ignored him, dapat nalaman ko na ito simula pa n'ong una.

"G-ginawa mo 'yon?" nanginginig ang aking boses sa nalaman ko. Hinilamos ko ang aking mukha gamit ang palad. I looked at Axon with his clenched jaw.

"B-bakit..." huminga ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili.

"I told you to not keep me in the dark Axon!!!" I'm seething as I spit my furiousness. I can't believe it!!

"Nasa kapahamakan ang buong pamilya ko at hindi mo man lang sinabi sa akin?!! Tangina Axon!! I spent my whole life dreaming of my nightmares and you treat me like some sort of princess in a bullshit fairytale??!!"

Tears flow like a river in my cheeks. Of all the rages, it was the betrayal and underestimation that I hate. And as for underestimation I never think that Axon will look at me like that!

"Astra... listen, if..." he took a deep breath then looked at me with sorrow.

Biglang bumukas ang kanyang pintuan at iniluwa nito si Lus. Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. I thought he is in Kansas??

Taas baba ang kanyang dibdib at matamang nakatingin kay Axon.

"Axon don't," he commanded in his low voice.

Dahan-dahang tumayo si Axon sa kanyang kina-uupuan at matalas ang tingin kay Lus.

I may not know what's between them but I have an assumption.

The day before my kidnap. Axon and Lus planned everything. Everything. Pero hindi kasama sa plano na masaktan ako. But never mind that... I was hurt anyway.

The man who hurt me named Rano, is the one who raped Axon's mother. Sa lahat nang inamin sa akin ni Axon, kasinungalingan iyon. Lahat nang sinabi niya sa akin na tungkol lang ito kay Fabrecastro at Mr. Du ay hindi totoo, turns out... his real enemy was the man named Rano. Then again... I'm just a bait. Pero hindi lang iyon, Axon received a death threat coming from that man, threatening my mother and Jade.

At hindi niya sinabi sa akin iyon.

Ginawa akong pain ni Axon para mahuli si Rano at nakapagtatakang anong kinalaman ni Lus dito.

A tear fell from my eyes but I keep my strong facade.

"Lus is an FBI agent." Axon confessed in a rough voice.

Tumingin ako kay Lus na nakatingin sa akin. I saw guilt in his eyes.

"His uncle, Rano Donovan is his assignment."

No wonder why he's so caring.

"He worked at Kansas." Axon continued.

Somehow I slowly connected the dots. Since Lus is an FBI agent and his uncle was his assignment and then I'm the bait... no wonder why him and Axon are bestfriend. And the reason why I'm seething to Axon is that he didn't tell me all of this.

Kaya pala nabanggit ni Mama na niyaya sila ni Axon na tumira sa bahay niya kasi nasa panganib din sila.

"Rano Donovan shipped drugs, illegal fire arms... he does prostitution and kidnaps to export in America, it is not coincident that he's my assignment. I handled it because we're related. Axon and I been working for this for years." Lus explained.

"Years." I repeated.

Hinaplos ko ang sling bag ko at tumayo. I'm done with this.

Tumingin ako kay Axon na nakatitig lang sa akin.

"You think I can forgive you?" tanong ko sa kanya na maski ako ay hindi alam ang sagot. I owe him that he protected my whole family but I also don't know if I can accept him with open arms.

"If you don't want to forgive me it's all your choice. But I'll do everything for you to trust me again."

Tumango ako sa kanyang sinabi. I heard the crack on his voice but I disregarded it. That Thor Roosevelt was right, I also don't think that Axon is capable of being weak, so much more with the crying.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya at nagtungong pintuan. Tumigil ako... hindi ko alam kung bakit. Should I thank him for the truth? Should I say I'm looking forward to him? Or should I say thank you for the memories?

Nasa gilid ko lang pala s Lus nang bumulong siya sa akin.

"He did everything Astra. It's not what it looks like." he whispered in a sympathy voice.

It's not what it looks like. Pinatayan ako ni Axon nang tawag dahil kasama iyon sa plano.

Humarap ako sa kanilang dalawa, specifically, to Axon. My heart felt so heavy, halos hind ako makahinga ng dahil dito.

"Alam mo ba kung paano mo ako nasaktan Axon? Ang malamang tinalikuran mo ako sa panahong nasa kapahamakan ako--no! It is part of the plan right? B-but it tears me apart!" nabasag ang boses ko, maiinit na luha ang walang katapusang umaagos. "I love you, I love you Axon. Ikaw lang yung taong nagmahal sa akin ng ganito. No one wants to protect me! No one wants me! Sinong m-magkakagusto sa k-kagaya ko? Why have a broken girl when you can have a full package woman with no issues?! Pinili mo ako! At yun ang pinakamasayang pangyayari sa buhay ko... yung may pumili na rin sa a-akin sa w-wakas. Pero... anong ginawa mo?" I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Humakbang siya ng isang beses ngunit umatras ako. His eyes that I used to see in impassivity are now overflowing with heavy emotions.

"I... I was raped, a-and h-hurt too. Pero ayos lang k-kasi sanay na a-ako. Ang hindi lang a-ako sanay ay ang may p-pumili sa akin."

Muling tumulo ang luha ni Axon. His eyes are red.

"At yung huling taong pumili sa akin..."

Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko nang sinunggaban niya ako ng yakap. His muscles clenched and shook as he embrace me.

"Stop... please stop," he begged softly to me as if it's hurting him and killing him.

Hindi ko na namalayan na wala na pala si Lus dito.

Axon hugged me tighter almost not letting me breathe. I will never forget how solid and muscular he is. He is simply the definition of virile.

"I love you, I love you, it will never change. I love you," he repeated like mantra.

Naalala ko n'ong pinag-awayan namin ito. Sinabi niyang mahal niya ako kasi mahal niya ako, hindi dahil sa naaawa siya sa akin. And now, I think I love him not because of the idea that someone is willing to protect me but because it is Axon. It is simply Axon. My retired Lieutenant Colonel. The birthday boy that receives a card from his father. The man who plays uno at his red room. The man who aims the gun at my back when an enemy is trying to harm me. The man who cursed when I don't have any slippers. The man who kissed my forehead, the man who doesn't know how to fix his necktie. Si Axon na ayaw sumugal 'pag alam niyang matatalo siya. Si Axon na makata. Si Axon na suplado.

The man who has my back.

The hot gorgeous Axon man who will draped his strong arms in my waist first thing in the morning.

The man who protected my family like his own.

And also.... the man who keep flipping my world upside-down.

Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko dahil sa halo-halong emosyon. Ang mga gabing wala akong tulog dahil sa mga bangungot o dahil ka-iisip kay Axon. Mga araw na wala akong ganang kumain. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto lahat ng pagod.

Lumambot ang tuhod ko sa lahat at agad naman akong sinalo ni Axon. My head is swirling since I got here. I felt Axon stilled beneath me.

Walang sabi-sabing sinikop niya ako sa kanyang mga kamay. He did this effortlessly as if I weighed nothing.

Wala na akong reklamo nang maglakad siya paakyat. My head is so heavy that the only thing I remembered was my head hit his spartan shoulder. And maybe a clichè... but everything turns black.