philophobic || dreamnoblade oneshots.

𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡: 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧

demon / human au lololololol
prompt: the devil is known to be incapable of love. you are determined to romance the living hell out of him.
--⚔️

The first thing that Dream noticed when he woke up, was that his head pounded. The air was stuffy, not unlike a humid summer afternoon. 

"Why the hell does my head hurt so bad..?" Rising to his feet and forcing open his eyes, the disoriented blond shook his head to try to clear his thoughts.

"Oh, shit. Where the fuck am I?"

What awaited him, instead of the familiar appearance of his bedroom, was a hellish landscape that reminded Dream of the inside of a volcano. Lava bubbled in cracks on the ground, patches of magma littering the ground. The place where he had woken up from was a red mushroom, large enough for an adult human to comfortably stretch out their body on. 

"What the.." 

Even as he spoke, out of the corner of his eye, the blond could see the scalding, glowing liquid spurting out of the numerous cracks in the ground. A small envelope suddenly appeared in front of him, a pair of flapping wings attached to either side of it. "Addressed to Dream Taken," it announced, the packaging bursting into flame as it revealed the letter inside, coated with a layer of dust and ash.

"Sup, nerd. You're dead now, welcome to hell." The letter stated, pausing as it noticed that the blond sitting in front of it seemed to be getting ready to go on a tangent. "Uh, you're supposed to show up at the Devil's Castle for your hearing, kid, 'cause for whatever reason you're a "special case"." Dream waited for the letter to stop talking before he sighed, clasping his hands together.

"Alright, first of all, how the hell did I die?!" 

The letter, despite not having a face, seemed to leer at him with both amusement and annoyance. "You just did, man. I can't do shit about that." Dream rolled his eyes, preparing a comeback before another question occured to him. "Are you like some sort of demon or whatever?" "Yeah. Now hurry up and get going, we don't want you to be late for your trial." "What fucking trial are you even talking about?" 

The letter demon, or whatever the hell it was, seemed nervous now, because the paper was starting to get more moist every passing second, and considering Dream wasn't anywhere near the thing, it wasn't him drenching the parchment in sweat. "Just follow me, idiot." Although the blond wanted to complain, he knew it would be useless, so instead he just shut up and followed the demon's lead.

Surprisingly, the walk didn't feel like it took that long. Maybe it was some sort of time warp or something, but it was like Dream had just stepped through a doorway and he was there, at the castle.

A sign was hoisted up above the blackened archway that signified the entrance of the castle, so large that you couldn't miss it, even if you were actively trying to avoid it.

'Trial times - WEDNESDAY
Elias, G.B. Eighty : 8:30am ✔
Ostrum, Purpled : 12:30pm ✔
Taken, Dream : 4:30pm
McChill, Michael : 8:30pm'

"You see those names? The ones with a checkmark beside them mean that their trials are already over," The letter demon leaned in close to the blond, its scorching breath reminding Dream of a fire. 

"Oook, and what exactly happens in these 'trials'?" "Eh, the devil decides whether you go to Heaven or stay in Hell." "Wh-" "You were somewhat virtuous, just not entirely, and so then there's this whole dilemna about it all, and since the god who rules over the entirety of Heaven doesn't take too kindly to the idea of potential demons residing in his land.. well, we have to deal with you." 

The blond rolled his eyes, very clearly not pleased with the arrangements. "Well, is the devil hot at least?" "Wh- What kind of question is that?!" Dream was pleased to see that he had managed to catch the annoying demon off guard, turning around on his foot and not answering the questions the paper screamed after him. 

"Oh yeah, what time is it?" "4:28.. FUCKYOUGOTTAGOTOYOURTRIALNOWBEFOREYOU'RELATEFUCKGETINTHERE-" The panicked demon dragged the blond by his collar into the large, ashy grey castle that housed the 'devil' himself. 

"Man, don't you just adore being nearly strangled to death by a fucking envelope?" "Shut the fuck up, mortal." "Rude."

"Go in, your trial's about to start, and they won't take kindly to you being late." Once again rolling his eyes, the blond approached the dark double doors that led to the 'courtroom'. Taking a deep breath, he swung the door open into the high ceilinged room, bat wings fluttering on the sides of floating eyeballs crowded into every which corner.

There, in front of him was a long table, 5 seats with 4 seperate people (demons?) sitting there. The first was a bored looking female, appearing to be around 20 who was twirling her hair around a long nail, eyelashes fluttering as she looked up at Dream. 

Then was a male, with a somewhat scruffy hair and.. was that goat horns? He was holding an apple that seemed to be made of gold, and he was absentmindedly playing with it. 

To the far right, a very tall looking male, with brown hair was sitting, a guitar looped around the back of his chair. 

Then, a blond child was sitting to his left, closer to the center. The cyan blue eyes of the boy seemed to pierce through Dream's soul, and the freckled male lowered his head as to not meet the gaze of any of the demons.

In the very center, was an empty chair, presumably for the devil to sit in. It was uncomfortably silent in the courtroom for a few minutes, until a "poof!" sounded, and Dream looked up to see one of the most handsome people he'd ever seen sitting in the middle chair. The person who he assumed to be the 'devil', looked to be around his age, and had pink hair, a dark ruby red at the ends. His eyes were a blend of red and an ice cold blue- sectorial heterochromia, perhaps? 

"Soooo, you're Dream Taken, correct?" The blond looked up at the pink haired demon sitting above him, releasing a breath of air he didn't notice he'd been keeping in. "Yeah, what about you, hotstuff?" "Wh-" Dream's response seemed to catch him off guard, making a few other demons laugh or supress a smile- he could see that the lady to the left and the golden apple bearing demon seemed amused, but the two to the right looked as if they'd rip him apart with their bare hands if it were allowed.

Oh well, he didn't exactly have anything to lose, so.. fuck it.

"I-If you must know, my name is Technoblade." "They call him the Blood God, you know!" Now, the childlike demon chipped in, a dangerous expression reflected in his cyan blue eyes. "Yes, yes Tommy, settle down," the goat horned demon said, barely casting a glance at the others. 

"You are here today to-" "Steal your heart? Gladly," Dream fired back, winking at the pink haired demon and supressing a smile when he saw that Techno was blushing. At this, both the lady and the goat horned demon couldn't help but break out in a fit of laughter, and for some reason, Dream noticed that they both sounded male. 

"Get on with it, then-" wheezed the goat horned demon, barely managing to keep ahold of his table. "You're here today to determine whether you'll be sent to heaven or kept here in hell-" "With you?-" "NO!" At this exchange, Dream could see that even the stoic brunette demon sitting beside Tommy cracked a small smile; whereas the other two seemed close to tears. 

Tommy rolled his eyes, snatching a piece of parchment from in front of Techno, reading off of it. "Dream W. Taken, in your life, did you commit any heinous crimes?" "Uh.. not that I know of, no." The courtroom had quieted down by now, everyone sobering up. "Any murders, robberies?" "Nah," "Any sorts of romantic endeavors?" The blond rolled his eyes. "Not unless its with that hottie, no." Once again, near everyone started laughing, the devil pratically sinking into his chair. 

Tommy seemed to be supressing a smirk as he read off from the rest of the paper. "Any other notes you'd like to tell us about your past achievements?" "I won't consider myself having achieved anything until I get the 'Blood God' to fall for me," Dream answered, raising finger guns at the council, which once again sent just about everyone into a howling fit of laughter.

"You'll get your results back tomorrow, Mr. W. Taken." 

Maybe he would be sent to stay in hell, but was that really that bad when there was a total fuckin' hottie as the ruler of hell? Yeah, it really wasn't.

--⚔️
ewwww kinda unfinished eew ew ewwwwwww
im hungry again 
anyways dream could b a frickin incubus from the way hes going
im not continuing this shit man sobs