Utterly Forgettable | MM Romance | Complete

Twenty: Emery: An Impossibly Beautiful Dream

"You continue to make it your mission not to miss a chance to try and steer me towards Josh, don't you? There's no need." The mention of Josh never failed to bring a smile to his lips. "You are, as they say, preaching to the choir."

"Choir's uselessly passive, then."

"My apologies," he bristled. "I'll be sure to fall down on one knee and make a sweeping declaration when next I see him."

"Not your worst idea."

He could try to argue the lack of merit in such a suggestion, but he didn't have the strength. "Allow me to proceed at my own pace, Emma. If, for some mysterious reason, Josh is interested and feels it's too slow for his liking, he knows where to find me."

She didn't press the issue. "Going to put him in my will. Lawyer coming by later."

"Oh?" Emery sat up, turning to face her. He couldn't pinpoint why he felt surprised, really. She'd spent her money on people, not abstract causes, from the very moment she'd had so much as an allowance from their parents to spend on candy. And Josh was a good choice. However much money he had, from what Emery knew of him, he'd put towards charging as little as he could to those who'd need his services but couldn't afford them.

Mr. Davies had paid Josh from his own pension, and it had been anything but a fortune. Emery could have easily chosen to add to that at the time, but he hadn't known Josh then — he'd feared the man might be just another quack, preying on the grief of vulnerable people. Ironic, considering how much he'd been willing to pay by the time he'd needed to hire Josh himself.

Emma eyed him carefully, her question not loaded, for once. "You think he's a bad choice?"

"No," he was quick to reply, not bothering to hide the fondness in his voice. Josh was the best person he could think of, to be on the receiving end of a monetary gift, and Emery couldn't fault Emma for thinking the same. It was just unfortunate that it would remove from the equation the only remotely enticing thing Emery might have had to offer him. "Not at all. I think he's the best choice."

#

Emma might find his feelings for Josh endearing, Emery mused as he tried for the third time to read the same paragraph, but he found them nothing but terrifying. It was one thing to desire such an obviously handsome man, to admire him from afar; it was quite another to have the overwhelming urge to be next to him at any given moment. To feel toe-curling delight at being the one to elicit something as simple as a laugh; to want to share everything that made him who he was with Josh; to hold nothing back.

He was pathetic.

Josh had been working there for over seven months. Whatever victories Emery imagined, whatever smiles and warmth there were, were not likely to be more than the consequence of boredom. Emery had nothing to offer a man such as Josh, a fact that would become apparent to Josh as soon as he had other options available. As soon as Emma... If he tried to embark on a relationship with Josh now, would it outlive his sister? Worse yet, would Josh stay a few more months by his side out of pity?

It was better not to even attempt such a thing than to suffer the indignity.

Realizing he was staring into space, Emery dragged his eyes back to the screen. Allowing for time with his sister was a worthy reason to put off work; flights of fancy involving Josh were not. He'd always enjoyed even this part of his work — reading obscure reports on things most people would think had nothing to do with his chosen field, and using the knowledge he gleaned from that to make decisions — but today it felt unspeakably tedious.