Haikyuu x Reader One Shots!

Burden - Bokuto x Reader (Angstttt)

BIG FAT ANGST WARNINGGGGGGGGGGH

i know i know, this is supposed to be a fluff book but i am in a mood lately and this is what happened. like it? don't like it? let me know 😉.

_____________

You've never felt love-able. You've never felt beautiful. You never believed people when they said that you're nice, funny, pretty, or that they love you. You've never been perfect, so how could anyone ever love you? Especially not a boy.

Your body looked weird, he would notice and be disgusted and leave you. He deserves better than your body.

Your face isn't as skinny or as pretty as the other girls' faces.

Your personality is too much, it's off putting. You are too outgoing and you have too many emotions, stop showing them.

You are mean when you show that you're angry, depressed when you show that you're sad, you have anxiety when you show that you're nervous, there's always something wrong with you. You need help, but don't ask for it. People won't like you. Those emotions are actually just you being dramatic.

You are just simply not loveable because you are not good enough for that. You aren't even good in general. You deserve to never be seen by humanity ever again. Why would you when you look and act like that?

You're adding nothing to the world. In fact, you take away from it. You don't deserve the food you eat too much of, other people could've used that. You don't deserve the friends you have, they should give their love and adoration to someone else who is worthy of it. Ignore them, maybe they'll realize they deserve better than you. You don't deserve to have a crush on the hottest boy in the school when you have stomped your confidence onto the floor. What did you expect him to do? Pick it back up for you? Piece it together?

Do you really want to burden him like that?

If you really loved him, you would never talk to him. Then he wouldn't have to deal with your emotions and body and anger. He wouldn't have to deal with your stupidity or your shattered confidence.

Maybe if you never talk to him, he would never ask you, why do you wear such big shirts every day? Maybe he wouldn't notice the bags under your eyes. Maybe be wouldn't notice your fingers twiddling with each other as you walk down the hallways, gaze at your shoes and thoughts filled with the nonexistent judgement of others.

If you never talk to him, he will never have to ask you how your day was. You will never have to lie to him and say it was good. In fact you'll never have to lie to him, period. "Yes, i ate lunch", "I'm okay, I just didn't sleep enough", "I'll be with you forever".

If you never talk to him, you'll never date him. And if you never date him, you will never have to break his heart to let him find someone better than you.

"Hey hey hey! Why so blue, beautiful?" is the first thing he ever said to you. Beautiful? Pfft, please. He is just saying that because he feels bad for you. Don't believe him. You can't help but get butterflies in your stomach, but shoo them away, he didn't mean it. There are so many better options.

"You look really nice today!" was the next thing he said to you, 3 days later. You were wearing a shirt that was 3 sizes too big and a pair of long baggy shorts. Your clothes swallow you alive. You don't feel pretty. Him saying that makes you feel bad for yourself because he is clearly taking pity on you. Your whole plan was to not talk to him. You still haven't, but he keeps talking to YOU. Just ignore him and he will find another girl to flirt with.

"Do you want to go on a date?" he has been talking to you for 3 months.

YES

"No."

You want to go on a date, but you can't. You can't do that to him. You would ruin his life by dating him. He would just be babying you and your bruised ego all the time, consoling you and comforting you every time you are insecure, which is all too often. You want him to find someone beautiful, bubbly, good at talking to others, popular, normal. You hope he can find what he deserves.

But he keeps texting

and calling

and talking

and asking

and caring

and loving.

"y/n, i know you don't talk much, but I really care about you. There is just something about you that makes me want to fly, something that keeps me coming back to try again. I- I think I like you. Or maybe..."

"Love you?"

Why in the world would he love you?? Can't he see the selection he has?? He can have any girl he wants to!! He is a fool for not recognizing it. Somebody needs to tell him. He is making you really mad. He needs to stop wanting you.

"WHY ME," you scream in the school parking lot, shaking, "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LOOK IN MY DIRECTION TWICE?? EVERY GIRL IN THIS SCHOOL WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HOLD YOUR HAND, LOVE YOU JUST AS HARD AS YOU LOVE THEM. THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEY DESERVE YOU WAY MORE THAN I DO, JUST LOOK AT THEM. WHY DONT YOU LOOK AT THEM. WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME INSTEAD? WHY DO YOU LOVE ME??" you're yelling at Bokuto after his practice, now starting to cry. You fall to your knees on the concrete and put your head in your hands, now whimpering, "Hell, I can't even love myself."

*silence*

"I think you're beautiful." Bokuto says with a sigh.

"But I-"

"Don't even respond because I know what you're gonna say. You ARE beautiful. I love the way you look when you're concentrated in class. I love the way you give amazing advice to people you don't even know because you think they deserve to be happy. I love the way that your hands are so gentle whenever you grab your bag or hold a pencil. I love when you talk about things you're really passionate about. I know you don't see me looking, but I look. You swing your arms all around and your eyes get really big and you look so cute and involved in what you're talking about. I love you, even if you don't love yourself. I love you enough for the two of us. So please, let me help you love yourself. If you let me be your boyfriend, I vow to tell you how gorgeous you look every day until you believe that I mean it. I will protect you from those mean girls that will want to start rumours about you. I will remind you that I want to be with you in every way that I can until you feel like you can accept that love and feel like you deserve it. Y/n, I love you. I really love you. I want to help you. Please, let me help you love yourself as much as I love you."

Bokuto drops to his knees in front of your weak, sobbing form. He wraps his long, muscular arms around your trembling torso and puts his head on your shaking shoulders. He holds you tight in a warm hug, rubbing circles on your back with his big, warm hand until he feels a pair of arms shoot out and return the hug.

You're crying but you're trying so hard not to. You hate that he has to do this for you, you should be able to do this for yourself. But for some reason, you can't stop. He feels so warm, so safe, he feels like home. You can hear his heart rate going a mile a minute, but he seems so sure of himself. Finally, something stable that you can grab and hold onto for dear life. Your rock has revealed itself. You hold him tighter as you cry, head facing away from his body but resting in his shoulder.

"You're not being dramatic, I'm here for you. You never have to hold back in front of me because I will never hold back in front of you. We see each other."

"I love you too, Bokuto-san"

A/N
• • • •
okay listen-

I AM JUST FEELING VERY BLEGH LATELY SO I COULDN'T WRITE A FLUFF I'M JUST NOT INSPIRED TO DO THAT

You guys want more of these? Lmk, comment here :)