Living Next Door To Alice

19/ The Letter

"Don't worry, you don't owe me an apology. You can invite the mother of your children anytime you want. It's not like we're together." Alice chuckled a little uncomfortable, and her cheeks flushed. Why did she say something like that? Why did she have to rub that in to the both of them?

FP nodded sadly, but quickly pulled himself together. She had no idea how he really felt about them parting ways after they shortly had started dating, but it had been clear that she wasn't ready. Giving the letter he wrote to her when he was about to move states would be too cruel. His feelings for her would forever stay his own secret.

"In that's case it's best that I tell you now, before I chicken out and someone else spills." FP mustered up the courage to tell her something that he wish he wouldn't have to. Alice waited curiously until he finally spoke up.

"I am moving back to Toledo. Gladys is willing to give me another chance." He let out in one breath, his heart thumbing in his chest.

Alice swallowed hard. It felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. Her eyes glossed over. He was moving away with the mother of his children. She knew how much that meant to FP, but selfishly she wanted for him to stay more than anything. But saying that wouldn't be fair to FP.

"Wow. That is big. You're really going?" She chocked out, trying to play it cool. FP swallowed.

"Yeah, I am... I want to try this, for Jughead and Jellybean." A small smile tugged on his lips.

"I get it. As a parent you do everything for your children." Alice smiled weakly as she looked into his eyes.

There wasn't just sadness, she could see a spark of hope. One that she understood like no other. This was bigger than whatever they had been feeling for one another.

"I have a lot of stuff to make up for. This is just my first step." FP added, as if he had to defend his choice to move back there. He wanted her to understand and even when she said she did, he couldn't help but see the pain in her eyes.

"I'm going to miss you." Alice said quietly, her voice cracking.

"I'll miss you, too." FP confessed, swallowing away his tears. If only she knew how much he was going to think about her.

"Okay, I am going to do laundry now, you go back have breakfast with your family." Alice had wiped a falling tear away and chuckled a little to break the tension. FP send her a grateful smile and nodded.

**

When she walked downstairs she tried to regulate her breath to stop herself from panicking or breaking down. She knew that her feelings for FP weren't platonic, but the way her body was almost collapsing now she knew that he wasn't going to see him anymore was something unexpected.

Alice basically ran towards the laundry room and closed the door behind her. Finally alone. She took a few deep breaths and shook her body as if she could get rid of all the tension inside of her.

For now she was going to pretend it worked. She wiped away the few tears that had escaped against her will and focused on her task. This was how she always handled difficult emotions— pretending they weren't there.

The laundry basket was placed on the washing machine next to the one she was about to use. First she threw in her own shirts and pants that she had already checked. She had come to FP's pants, and she felt with her hands into his pockets to check if hadn't left anything like keys, a wallet, or money. The first three were safe.

But in the last one she found something.

At first she thought it was just a note from his work, but then her eye fell on her name. It wasn't just a piece of paper. It was a pink envelope, addressed to her.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. He had written her something. And though she knew that maybe she shouldn't open it if he changed his mind about giving it to her, she couldn't possibly stop herself from wanting to know what was inside the envelope and read what was meant for her.

And then, against all her own morals she opened the pink envelope with trembling hands and folded open the piece of paper.

Dear Alice,

I barely know how to start writing you this letter. It was Fred's idea, can you believe that? He says it might be easier to find out what is really going between us. Because there is, isn't there? As you have come to learn, facing my emotions is a big challenge for me. But I have to take this shot. I don't want to risk looking back, thinking of all that I could have had. After we decided to just be friends I only kept thinking about you, about us, more and more. The last thing I want is to force you into something you aren't ready for, but I can't keep what I truly feel for you to myself any longer. When you're with me, everything else in the world stops making sense. The only thing I can think about is the way you make me feel, which is something unlike anything I've experienced before. You make me want to be the best version of myself, someone you deserve, someone who takes care of you the way you take care of me. The thought of waking up next to you one day makes me feel alive again in a way nothing else does. For the longest time I believed it wouldn't get better, ever. But there you were. Having you around everyday is a reminder of how wonderful life can be, even at its darkest moments. It's never too late to start feeling again, because what you sparked in me is something special. You deserve to know this, Alice. You deserve to know that you make my heart beat faster. Maybe, one day when you're ready, we can try this together. Is there a part of you that wants that? If not, we won't have to speak of it ever again. Maybe I even scared you off, but I owed it to both you and myself to be honest about my true feelings for you. Do you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you?

With love,
FP

And as she read, the tears had started to fall down her cheeks like two waterfalls who finally got freedom. FP wants to be with her. And if she was being honest to herself, she wanted to be with him more than anything. But could she still tell him when he finally reunited his family?