Kissed his lips tasted his lies: Discontinued

Chapter Fourteen: Uncovered secrets

Silence.

The room filled with an eerie silence, the rest of my words stuck in my throat. I looked at the three of them, hoping for some sort of reaction. They all blankly stared back at me probably hoping for me to say I was joking.

I wish I was.

Oh how I wish I was joking.

Laughter erupted and we all turned to look at Justin. "Oh God, that was really good. You had me convinced for a second." He carried on laughing until it slowly died down when he saw the sad look on my face. "You... you're serious." It sounded something between confusion and realisation.

I swallowed hard.

"I swear I didn't mean to do it. I swear to God." I kept shaking my head in emphasis, tears rushing down my face like never before.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's okay." Maxon held my shoulders, making me face him. "We believe you. It's also okay if you're not ready to tell us."

I shook my head some more. "No, I- I want to. I want you to hear it from me." There was no use backing out now, they already knew the worst part.

"Last year on Christmas morning, my mom went to her office to get some papers and she never came back." I started, eyes focused on the creases on my pants. "Dad received a call that she was involved in a car accident and didn't survive. But that was the thing, it wasn't an accident. An ex con who had just got out of jail tempered with her car. He wanted to hurt dad since he was the one who had had him sent to jail."

"He said my dad stole years of his life just to better his career so he was gonna make him pay by hurting all his loved ones. He was guilty of all the crimes he was accused of just as much as he was guilty of killed my mother. He proved to not be very good at hiding his tracks but he was a pro at convincing himself that he was innocent."

"He was given life in prison for killing my mom, but the end of his trial was only the beginning of my worst days. My bestfriend had to move to Lord knows where and we lost contact, I was never socially active so I had no one left to help me out through the toughest times of my life. I became a loner, until one day Jason approached me."

"He slithered his way through the brick wall I had built around myself and brought it down from the inside. He was popular, one of the most wanted guys by girls in school, so I started getting lots of attention from girls trying to get close to him through me. My therapist told me it was better to have people around than to always be on my own so I let them in. But of course I didn't know their intentions. Time went by and I began to fall for Jason and after a short while we started dating."

"It was fun at first until he wanted to take our relationship to the next level when I wasn't ready. Every conversation we had became about sex, 'babe can we go to the movies after school?' 'ooh will we have sex when the lights go off?' it became annoying, he was pushing me to do something he knew I wasn't ready to do. Sometimes It felt like he only wanted me for sex, but I pushed the thought away because I didn't have any dating experience, so I thought it was a normal thing boys did in relationships."

"With time, I began to feel better about my mom's death. I took less antidepressants and I stopped crying myself to sleep. One night I was home alone and I happened to mention it to him, and so he invited himself over. His eyes were a bit unfocused which means he had clearly been drinking. Seeing him like that gave me a painful taste of nostalgia so I started yelling at him about drinking and driving. He tried to turn it on me talking about 'I only do this because you won't have sex with me', I had had enough of him so I told him I would never do anything like that with him."

"He got mad and started yelling how I must have been cheating on him which was absurd. Just because I wasn't having sex with him didn't mean I was having it with somebody else, but he still wouldn't listen to a word I said. Everything he said pushed buttons I didn't even know I had, so I snapped. My bottled up emotions boiled up until they tipped over and I said some things I wish I hadn't. It was as if I had revoked a monster in him, he went totally crazy. He slapped me so hard I fell on the bed and he tried to force himself onto me. I cried, begged and screamed for him to stop, but it was as if he had shut my voice out and couldn't hear me."

"He had my hands pinned above my head while his other hand fumbled with the buttons on my pants. I kept wriggling and squirming, making it harder for the already tight skin jeans to come loose. I was terrified, the person I saw infront of me wasn't the boy I thought I knew. His eyes didn't have their usual mischievous glint, instead they held something more ugly, something much much more terrifying. It was as if I was looking into a pitless void with my worst nightmares staring right back at me. I knew I would do anything to escape, so when he let go of my hands to get a better grip on the buttons, I saw my chance and I took it. I grabbed the nearest thing and smashed it against his head, but I didn't expect his blood to splutter everywhere."

I shivered, flashbacks of droplets of his blood on my face rushing through my head. "I hit him with my bedside lamp but the problem was that it was custom made. I kept accidentally knocking my normal ones off the nightstand and breaking them so my dad had a heavy one made for me. The adrenalin rushing through me when I picked it up was too much so the force left a crack on his skull. He didn't make it and everybody blamed me. Adults thought he was a good kid so they refused to believe I was the victim. Kids loved him so they hated me for robbing them of a potential friend or boyfriend who would help them climb the popularity chart."

"Only a few sympathized with me but it couldn't do anything to alleviate the hate I received on a daily basis. I couldn't face anyone, going to school became the worst part of my day, although it pretty much always was. I buried myself in books to keep myself from thinking so my marks skyrocketed. When the court ruling ruled in my favour, it still didn't change anything. I still couldn't wear jeans without mentally feeling his hands tugging at them. I still couldn't sleep throughout the entire night without waking up screaming and I still couldn't go anywhere without hearing people whisper how they wish I was the one who had died instead."

"I had to take more therapy hours," I chuckled humorlessly "after all that time, I was right back where I had started. One day when I came back from school, dad told me to pack my clothes and that we were moving. I couldn't understand the sudden urge to move but I wasn't complaining either. We came here and I honestly thought I was going to have a somewhat normal life."

I inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Guess I was wrong like I always am."