Kissed his lips tasted his lies: Discontinued

Chapter thirteen: Confessions

"That was really stupid." I sighed closing my laptop, the darkness engulfing us once more.

"What was?" Karmen curiously looked at me.

"She chose the wrong guy." I shook my head before adding when I saw the confused look on her face, "You'll understand when you're older.

I was currently laying on my bed with my little sister, watching a movie to pass time. The main character was a girl who was stuck between two guys that loved her.

She ended up choosing the guy who in my opinion was the wrong choice. The second guy treated her better than the first guy did. But a part of me knew I wasn't mad at her choice but rather the familiarity of the whole situation.

I too always seemed to choose the wrong guy when I clearly have better options presented to me. My heart is dumb when it comes to love and there isn't much I can do to change it.

A soft knock came and I sat up straight when my dad walked into the room.

"Hey" His voice was soft, as if he was approaching a ticking time bomb that could explode in face at any time.

I didn't blame him.

I also felt as if my sanity was being held intact by a string that was constantly being tugged at. Every cell in my body felt numb, which is far worse than anything I could possibly feel because when this feeling wears off, all delayed emotions are going to come crashing down on me. And right now I'm not even sure how much of it I can take.

"Hey dad." My own voice was like a whisper in the afternoon breeze. Hardly audible and barely there.

"Your friends are here to see you." The look in his eyes said what he didn't wish to voice. He was pleading.

I sighed heavily, "I'll see them in school tomorrow." I was touched by their concern, but I had no will in me to interact with more humans than the two in my room.

"Princess, I know you don't like being rude, and sending them away while they're already here might come off as exatly that." I could see through the cracks in his forced smile the pain and fear taking control of his features.

I still didn't care if it made me seem rude, mean or whatever, but I didn't want to worry my dad more than he already was.

"Okay, fine. But can you tell them to come up please?"

He gave a small smile. Small but genuine, it made me smile.

"Come on Keke, let's go" He reached out to her and she stopped playing with my hair and walked into his arms.

About a minute later my door opened again revealing three restless looking guys. Their tense bodies showed they didn't know what they were walking into nor how to approach the situation.

"Why is it so dark in here? It's not even dark outside yet." Nathan asked, strutting towards my thick drawn curtains.

"No! Don't!" But it was too late, he had already pulled them back and the light came rushing at my exposed eyes. "Shit!" The uncomfortable feeling and the panic gnawed at me as I shielded my eyes.

I closed my eyes and slowly counted to ten while still keeping them covered. I was contemplating on whether to let them see me unmasked and exposed, or if I should run to the bathroom and apply make up.

Maybe I didn't have to hide anymore. Maybe this is where I get to undress my scars and let my demons show. Maybe I have finally found people who are willing to love and accept me with my heavy baggage.

Maybe it was time for me to lay my cards on the table and let them decide if they still wanted to be associated with me.

I hesitantly dropped my hands finally making a firm decision. Maybe it was stupid of me, but if they were to ever find out about this, I'd prefer they hear it from me.

"Are you okay Vanessa?" Maxon's voice was calmer than usual. There was no panic that would eventually lead to my own, no worrying that would only make me feel worse than I already do, just a soothing calmness.

"There's something I need to tell you guys."

I could see their tense bodies trying not to react to the dark eyebags adorning my eyes. It was the first time they see me without make up covering the first clues to my troubled life.

"Where's the picture?" I stared at the wall on the other side of the room, the dot from where I found Karmen trying to write with a marker staring back at me.

Maxon held out the picture from the day before. I stared at it, my heart racing. My palms started to sweat so I wiped them off on my pants. I took the picture with trembling hands, mentally reminding myself that it was only a picture and that it couldn't hurt me any more than I've already been hurt.

But I knew it wasn't. It was more than just a picture. It was a threat that my secrets were no longer buried.

It was a puzzle piece for me to try to find the person who had put it in my book.

It was a promise for the information to be used against me.

It could have been anyone who had planted it there, perhaps even one of the three sitting infront of me. But it didn't matter anymore, someone knew and they were going to tell everyone. I might as well help them.

"This," I placed the picture in the middle for everyone to see, "is my ex boyfriend, Jason."

They looked at each other before looking at the picture as if seeing it for the first time. I couldn't tell what they were thinking, but I could clearly see the scowl on Nathan's face as he looked at the boy I once believed was my everything.

"I never owned any of his photographs, so I got a scare yesterday when I found it in my book." My vision became blurry with tears as multiple feelings grasped me with their sharp claws. "He-" My voice cracked and I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves, "he died in the beginning of the year and I- I am the one who killed him."