Divine Charity

Chapter Twenty-One: Zjustusmete

Lena dropped her gear at the door of the grant and took a moment to heave a sigh of relief. The twins opted to stay with Gala for the night, and Lena had been more than happy to allow it. She was Verserka'al now, but a tired one, and all she wanted was to cleanse herself and sleep for the next two days.

She heard Khamuel in his office, talking to someone. It was a usual occurrence, so she left him to his counsel and went straight to the hygiene chamber to remove the last three days of filth from her body. Lena grimaced, then chuckled at the sight her holograph made. Her body was a kaleidoscope of red, blue, and purple bruises.

Fiadn ordered an ice bath to be sent to her, and for once, the thought of settling into the dreaded water was a godsend. She eased into the water with a gasp, then set her mind to ignore the discomfort.

A few minutes later, a knock at the door drew her from her Zen place. With chattering teeth, she told Khamuel to come in. The look he gave her was both amused and sympathetic as he teased, "Ice baths are for the weak."

Lena flipped him the bird.

He chuckled. "May I help you?"

"You're n-not going t-t-to drown me, are y-you?"

"Perhaps another day," he said, as he moved into the room. Khamuel lowered himself to his haunches. "Sit up."

Lena did as she was told.

Khamuel lowered his hand into the water, letting his light free. Before long, the water warmed to a soothing heat. Khamuel reached for the cleansing foam, taking his time to rub the foam along her skin, his firm, masculine hands working at the muscles of her neck, shoulders and back. 

"Why did you stay?" he asked.

Lena didn't open her eyes as she answered. "I ran from Earth. Running from Charity would be just as cowardly."

"You are no coward."

"But I am." She opened one green eye to look at him. "I'm literally afraid of everything."

"And yet, at every opportunity, you rise above your fear. It does not rule you."

"I am ruled by it. In some ways."

His hands stilled for a moment. "How so?"

She stretched, pressing into his hands to encourage him to get back to work. "When I first thought of staying on Charity, all I could think of was escaping the memories. It wasn't a rational decision. It was fear that if I went back, nothing would ever change. I would always be that Lena. Then, here, well ... There's no such thing as perfect, is there? But your people seemed peaceful. Accepting. More like me. On Earth I was always different, most never bothered getting to know me. Here, at least everyone tried to make me feel at home for the most part." She chewed her lip, wondering if she was making sense. "Fiadn didn't want me to become verserka'al. He thought everyone would turn against me, but I made friends. Real friends. In the colosseum, when I would look at my girls, they were always with Gala, Pnina, or Fiadn. When I saw them sitting with you, and noticed the way they leaned into you ... I saw when Sasha almost fell from the armrest of your seat. Your arm tightened around her to keep her from falling. It was thoughtless, reflexive. Such a little thing. Then you looked at her and you two shared a smile." Lena felt a lump in her throat. "It was like—I don't know—like she knew you wouldn't let her fall. That sounds silly."

"Nay. It does not."

She shrugged. "I can't keep running just because things aren't going my way and I can't take the girls from their home."

"What of you?"

Lena was quiet for a moment. "I'm finding my way."

"Will you tell me what you so desired to escape on Earth?"