Thinking Out Loud || #Wattys2015

34: Lost it all

"Why are you Jauregui's so perfect with words!" I chuckled softly.

"It runs in the family?" I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

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"Heard you started therapy." I said looking at Lauren who sat up in her sweats.

"Yup and I fucking hate it." She mumbled not looking at me. "Why are you still here?" She asked staring at the wall.

"What...what do you mean why am I still here?"

"Why'd you stick around. I mean I heard the other girls came to see me on the day of my surgery but I haven't heard from anyone yet. Yet you're still here...why?" She asked finally meeting my eyes.

"Well I care about you. That's one reason....I love you. I've always been there for you." I sighed knowing exactly where this is going.

"Why do you still care when I can't even care about you the same way. I'm trapped Camila. I can't love you the way I want to anymore. I can't do shit anymore because I'm the one who fucked up my own life by laying off my surgery for years. Now I'm sitting here with a new fucking heart and who knows if it will still work. I could die and you are willing to stick around. And I hate it." Lauren, she glanced at me. "I hate that about you. You're letting me tie you down when you could be living your life. But no. You're here. Missing multiple days of school because of me. I might break hearts but I don't ruin people's lives. So please for the love of all things holy. Go. Move on. Forget me. Fuck someone else. Kiss another person. By all means kiss Mahone what ever just don't let me, let this tie you down. It'd make me so much happier."

"I don't know what kind of meds they put you on but you're acting like a bitch." I spat back.

"I don't want to hear it Camila. Just please leave. I don't need a lap dog and that's all you're being right now. My fucking lap dog." Lauren groaned looking at me. Her glare softened when she noticed the tears in my eyes.

"Just say it.....just said it. Say the four words. . Just say it." I said softly wiping my eyes. Lauren sighed and looked at me.

"I...I don't....I don't love you....not like I used to. I just can't. I'm sorry Camila." Lauren mumbled.

"No...don't be sorry about this. Be sorry for yourself. You don't know what you want in life Lauren. I've put up with all you're shit all this shit because I love you. I'm in love with you. What was I just some...some distraction from your life?" I asked a little too harsh.

"Sure." Lauren mumbled.

"Sure? That's it. Sure? Don't forget we almost had a child. Almost! Hope you're happy with your life at this point Lauren." I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door. I waited for her to tell me to stop. Once I didn't hear it I sighed and left.

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Lauren's POV

"It's Camila leave a message after the beep."

"Fuck!" I groaned throwing my phone on the hospital bed and looking out the window.

"8 times. 8 times I called today." I groaned looking at my dad.

"From what you told me you really hurt her. Just leave her be. Let her move on. Just get better at this point." He said glancing up from a hot rod magazine.

Time passed. I finished my therapy for today and I was now sitting in my room alone. I grabbed my phone and opened my text. Mandy text me asking how I was. I sighed. She won't even come in. There was a knock on my door and my brother walked in.

"Hey Ch-"

"Shut up...what the hell is wrong with you?" He asked me. I could see the tiredness seeping from his eyes but also anger.

"What are you talking about?" I asked looking at him.

"Camila. She came crying to me yesterday about what you said. You really fucked up this time...why are you so confused on what you want with her Lauren?" Chris asked looking at me.

"Maybe because I don't want anything anymore. At this point I just want to give up, I don't care anymore Chris. I've never been suicidal but now...now it's like a sixth sense. Every time a nurse comes in with my medicine I feel the urge to ask for extra so she won't have to come back but I'd take them a at once and hope to OD. Chris I've never hated myself before but now I can't stand to look in the mirror. I've never thought about self harm but now I think about it every day. Chris I really hate living right now so you coming in here yelling at me over some girl who I lost because of my own actions is not helping at all. So please, leave." I sighed looking at him and letting tears fall down my face.

"Sorry Lauren. I didn't know you felt like this..." Chris mumbled looking at me.

"No one does. Look Chris I know you like Camila...by all means take her. Treat her right though." I replied looking in his direction.

"I can't do that."

"I know you feel like you can't but you can. I want you to."

"Uh....Alright...." Chris nodded and looked down. I hugged him before he left.

"I hate this..."

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😏 next chapter a filler.

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