Getting Wilder ✔️

Bonus: my heart loves yours

I gave a watery chuckle at her sudden rebuke. I sat up straight, wiping my nose on my sleeve pathetically as I spoke in a strangled voice. "I want to apologize to her. She deserved better."

"And you will," she took a deep breath and gave me a soft smile, caressing my cheek tenderly. "People make mistakes, Wilder. But there is no singular thing that ever defines a person. Not the single penalty you missed. Not the single mistake you committed and never, never your sexuality."

"What if she doesn't forgive me?" I asked. 

She sighed softly, her eyes dark under the dim lights of my room. "That is her decision, Wils. What you can do is offer your apology. Kendra is an intelligent, kind girl. It will take time perhaps, but I am positive she will forgive you. You have been as much a victim of circumstances as she has."

I sniffled again, steeling myself to ask the question I was terrified of asking. "Did...dad see?"

She pursed her lips but shook her head. "He hasn't. And he won't. I promise you."

I nodded, drowning under a surge of relief that immediately made me feel ashamed. I had switched off my phone and turned to seclusion, trying to escape from the terrifying reality that something I was so insecure about had been blasted open for the world to see and ridicule. The vile remarks at the football match still felt like daggers plunging into my heart. And the worst of it had been my own inhuman reaction to Nico's confession. When all I had wanted to do was let him know how terrifyingly deep my feelings for him were.

"You can take an off for a few days," she continued. "Hopefully let this settle down."

I shook my head. "I have practice. I can't...I can't fu-" she grimaced slightly and I quickly backtracked, "-mess up the next match."

The corner of her mouth lifted in a slight smile. "Are you sure you will be okay?"

"Someday," I answered truthfully, picking at a stray strand from the bedsheet. "I'll...wait."

This time, she did smile. "Just keep your stance, Wilder. You're braver than you believe. But, do not pick up fights. Not even with these- excuse my language- shit bags who ousted you. Okay?"

I didn't answer right away, anger burning in my chest, fueled by humiliation and sorrow. 

She sighed softly, "Wils. You never know-"

"-what someone is going through."

"Right," she nodded when I completed her sentence and kissed my forehead. "Be kind. That is true strength. And let that kindness extend to yourself as well. Okay?"

"Okay," I answered in a small voice.

She nodded and rose to her feet. "And come on down, I am not bringing dinner upstairs."

I almost smiled at her exaggerated indignation before she left the room. I stared at the floor for a while, my mind a tornado of catatonic emotions. I reached for my phone and switched it on. Immediately I crashed into reality as my phone was flooded with notifications. My heart fluttered in anguish when I saw Nico's number among the missed calls. 

I ignored the notification, putting my phone on 'do not disturb' and instead clicked on the text message icon. I went to Nico's contact, seeing a few texts from him asking if I was okay. 

The little nugget was still worried if I was okay. How brave and selfless could a person ever be? 

I almost smiled and typed in a text that I would someday have the courage to send. Someday when it would be alright to be myself. Someday when love would be the only thing that mattered. Someday when I would be as brave as him. Someday when I would be ready to find myself.