(this chapter is really emotional and it's very close to my heart so i hope you all enjoy <3)
TRIGGER WARNING:
- body image issues - ed mentions
some inspo from this chapter from various poems and quotes i've seen over time
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𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙙 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 +
arabella took a deep breath slowly peeling her dress down her body, it dropping to her ankles. she slowly stepped out of it, her hands shaky as she threw it a small distance away.
she took a deep breath closing her eyes, slowly re-opening them and turning to look at herself in the mirror. her hand flew to her mouth as she let out a small sob.
arabella stood in her underwear examining herself in the mirror. she couldn't even recognise the girl who stared back at her, her eyes looked empty, lifeless even. all of her emotions overwhelmed her in this moment. she closed her eyes again, feeling unable to look back at the appearance of her body in the mirror.
tears pooled in her eyes, a shaky breath leaving her mouth. she moved her shaky hand away from her face and slowly reopened her eyes. she took another deep breath and looked at her body in the mirror.
her hand slowly moved to touch her stomach. her stomach was almost flat, but not in her eyes. she pointed out flaws, flaws that weren't even there. her fingers poking at the skin on her body wishing for it to disappear.
she wanted to carve her body until she deemed it good enough. for years arabella has felt this way, and for years people have assured her that she was wrong.
but why the hell couldn't she see it? why couldn't she see that people would give the world to her? why couldn't she see that people would drop everything to show her, her worth?
over the years, her soul had grown so thin that her body had followed. instead of her self-love growing and blossoming it plummeted down, her health following. so it's hard for her to eat more, even a small bite, it's hard for her to listen to that small piece of self-love and hope in her body. instead she rather ignore it, push it all away and pray that it leaves.
she grew into this habit of discarding her food, not bothering to eat it. but when people slowly caught onto her habits she changed things. she forced herself to take that small bite. taking the hamburger and cutting into quarters, selecting the smaller quarter and discarding the others into the trash. then she carefully cuts into into four pieces again, once again choosing the smaller and discarding the others.
she used to revel in eating hamburgers, a late night trip to mcdonald's after a day out with her brother or friends. she slowly placed the small piece of burger onto her tongue, revelling in the taste. going against her swallow reflex, she would force herself to ingest this small piece of food.
then she would spend hours prodding at herself in the mirror, feeling as if that small eighth of a hamburger made her gain 100lbs. it was a twisted culture that she adapted to, that being skinny meant you were pretty. she was wrong.
arabella took a deep breath, scanning her body up and down again. the longer she stared the worse she felt, the more flaws she spotted. her hand flew to her mouth again as a sob wracked through her body. her body jolting as she sobbed, she wasn't okay.
instead of spending her time watching funny content on social media, she found herself diving headfirst into the stereotype of beauty. she found herself watching videos and seeing photos on social media of girls who practically everyone deemed perfect. and she found her way to loren's page. scrolling through the girls photos.
she was the picture perfect girl. blonde hair, prom queen smile. but arabella could never be like her.
but she couldn't see just how amazing she is.
noah deserved someone as perfect as loren. someone who wasn't a fuck up, who didn't have as many issues as arabella had. he deserved someone better than arabella.
her sobs grew louder, her arms wrapping around her almost bare body as she broke to the floor. the thread which was holding her up, just snapped.
she would never be the perfect girl.
☺︎︎☻︎☹︎ 𝗞𝗬𝗥𝗔 𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗦 ☹︎☻︎☺︎︎ hi! i hope you all liked this chapter.
this took a lot for me to write if i'm completely honest. dealing with these issues myself i found this quite hard to write but i'm proud of myself for writing this.
my dms are always open for anyone who needs advice or wishes to talk, you shouldn't suffer in silence <3
UNEDITED!!
comment your thoughts and theories!
please vote and comment, it means the world to me and really motivates me to continue to write and update regularly!
ily all, stay safe!! <3
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