Old World [Louis Tomlinson]

Chapter 10

I grab a bottle of vodka that I keep in my apartment for emergencies. I'm already feeling the haze that comes with the pills and adding alcohol leaves me numb and I need that right now. I lie on the ground and feel the emotions leave my body and I feel happy, all my insecurities are gone and all the pain has faded. I see some black dots and I welcome them happily. I wake up with hands passing around my legs and back, I feel someone lifting me up and carrying me and then I feel the softness and warmth of my bed. I feel arms wrapping around me but I can't move so I just go back to sleep. I wake up abruptly feeling sick, I run to the bathroom and puke a few times.

- Are you ok? - I see Louis crouched by my side and I want to tell him to go away because I must look terrible but my voice doesn't work. My body is once more betraying me as it gets rid of the bad things I put into it. I get up, flush the toilet and brush my teeth. As I look in the bathroom mirror I feel disgusted, I'm ugly and fat, I hate myself. Louis wraps his arms around me and hides his face on my neck and I catch myself thinking how could he love me?

- I'm sorry. - I turn to him and he looks confused.

- For what?

- For being weak. I don't know how you can love me, I'm broken and disgusting. - I start crying. He hugs me again.

- Don't you ever say that, you're beautiful. I love you because you're strong and intelligent. You're nurturing to everyone but also a badass... Can't you see I'm head over heels for you? If anyone here should be sorry it's me, I don't know what happened but I'm naturally jealous. I've never told this to anyone but Tomlinson isn't my actual last name, I had another but my dad abandoned me and I ended up taking my stepfather's name. I guess I feel like everyone is going to leave me and that's why I act this way. I guess in a way, I thought I was losing Harry but as my best friend not romantically. - It all makes sense and I'm so happy he told me a part of him nobody knew so I smile.

- I understand, I should have let you explain before I acted that way. To be honest I was jealous too. - I laugh and he laughs with me. - I'm sorry too.

- I love you. - He says as he holds my face and kisses it.

- I love you too. - I smile through our kiss. I love him too much it's going to be my ruin. I leave the bathroom and go check my phone, there's a new text message.

"Hey, it's Harry. We have training today, Azra is going can you make her company? H"

"Of course."

- Hey, I'm going with you to training today. Is that okay? Harry asked me to make Azra company.

- Yes. - He doesn't seem tense which is amazing. I smile.

As we arrive at the field, I see Azra sitting on the bleachers, I go sit with her.

- Hey. - I smile.

- Hello. - She smiles back, we sit and watch the boys for a while before one of us speaks again. - So, you're Louis' girlfriend?

- Yes. - I smile. - What's up between you and Harry?

- Nothing really, he just found me lost in the campus and helped me out. - She shrugs but I see she's blushing.

- But you like him. - I open a malicious smile but try not to be intrusive.

- I mean... I have eyes. - She laughs nervously.

- It's ok if you don't want to talk about it but maybe I can help you out. He obviously likes you, I thought you were already dating. - I seem uninterested, don't get me wrong, I want to help but I also have my own reasons to do it.