Dive: A TharnType Story

18

"Yeah, I didn't trust her words because of that. I realised that what she told me was true because of how Nicolette had reacted to it. She literally told me to distance myself from you because of what she saw," Type said and Tharn figured that it did make sense. But that revelation paled in comparison to what happened to them after, so he didn't pay it much mind. He just felt guilty about that night. 

"Yeah, but still. Even if you had started it, I should not have let it go further, so I'm at fault. You're the one who went through something unspeakable as a child and I was instrumental in making you relive that horror," Tharn said. He had been drowning in that sea of guilt for a long time, especially after Type had come out and told him about what happened to him. He felt like absolute scum for putting his friend through something like that, even if he had no prior knowledge of it. He had lost his mind in the last few months, constantly aware of that fact.

"Tharn, if you don't stop blaming yourself, I'm going to have to resort to beating some sense into you. You actually helped me finally face what happened to me as a kid. I had repressed that memory for so long without processing it. It wasn't healthy because it was affecting my day to day life without me even knowing about it. You helped me confront those things and I'm really thankful," Type said and brought his hand to Tharn's shoulder to give it a gentle squeeze. Tharn was frozen in place, not believing what he was hearing. "Really?" Tharn asked, wide eyed. Type smiled, seeing Tharn fighting to come to terms with what he just heard. That was good. He needed to give him more positive affirmations while he was still confused so he could stop blaming himself. 

"Yes. I finally allowed myself to think about what happened to me and how it affected my life. I never even thought about it after I moved away. I just locked that memory away in the dark recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about it ever. I thought that, if I forget about it, it would be like it never happened. 

Little did I know that it was a big part of my life, affecting every aspect. I distanced myself from my friends. I didn't keep in touch with my old friends. I never even had a close friend because a close friend was the reason behind what happened to me. I just closed myself off to a lot of things. I didn't think about anything too deeply anymore. I just lived one day at a time. 

What happened that night, helped me finally confront all of those things. You helped me, Tharn. You helped me come to terms with my trauma. You have nothing to blame yourself for. What happened to me wasn't your fault. What happened that night wasn't your fault either. Do you understand me?" Type said. 

Tharn felt like his chest weighed a tonne at Type's words as tears starting to blur his vision. He didn't know that Type had gone through so much in his life and he had no idea about it. He just thought Type was a happy, regular guy. He didn't even know about the pain he was hiding behind his happy facade. He felt like a failure of a friend for not being there to protect him even though he was a child himself. 

"But, I still should have been there for you. I can't help but think that I should have been there. I was right next to you when you were going through something like that and I didn't do anything," Tharn said as a tear finally rolled down his face. 

Type wanted to scream at failing to stop Tharn from blaming himself. He knew it was going to be difficult because of how guilty Tharn's conscience could be, but he also understood where he was coming from. If he were to be  in Tharn's shoes, he would have felt the same way. Type brought a hand up to his face and wiped the solitary tear away with his thumb. "Tharn, what could you have done? You didn't even know what was happening because I never even told you. You were a child too. And you were much smaller than me. You always ran to hide behind me every time you were scared. How do you think you could protect me?" Type asked, lost at how to get through to Tharn.