Really Wild Things

Chapter 38

38

Joon Plinx threw up her hands. "I'm going insane."

That's what she kept telling Trillian and Zaphod during the time Ford and Fenchurch spent inside the Temple so far.

"My insanity," she continued, "is being caused by the fact that this is the culmination of a lifetime of work and research, that I am literally within arms' reach of the Temple of Time and the long-fabled Chronological Correcting Fluid, and I cannot even look at either."

She pointed a green finger at her head. "I would give my right eye simply for one brief glimpse into the Temple. I can only imagine what the archaeological community could learn from the construction or decoration of the Temple's interior alone. The part that really kills me is the fact that neither Ford nor Fenchurch can truly appreciate and understand what they encounter in there. It's a bit like sending a couple of trained donkeys to explore the surface of a brand-new planet."

Joon Plinx had been telling this to the others in great detail, who ignored her completely. Zaphod and Trillian were busy discussing his re-election campaign or lack thereof and where it was going while Arthur spent his time telling the others how dangerous this was and how worried he was for Fenchurch. The others ignored him as well. As it was, the only thing that could distract them from their individual reveries was the explosion that followed at that moment.

The hut they waited in leapt into the air, flipped, and came crashing down again. The paper roof tore open at the seams, leaving them looking up at an enormous starship shaped like a tooth hovering over the village. Missiles fired from the underside of the tooth to tear huge craters out of the ground.

"Oh, bat's dos," Joon sighed. "I thought we'd lost these chaps."

The people of the village ran in terror. Some of their warriors used giant rubber bands to shoot pencils at the tooth, which was a bit like throwing snowballs at a Sherman tank. Zaphod and Trillian ran back to the Heart of Gold, but a volley of fire tore a crater under the starship that tumbled it out of reach.

Within minutes, the tooth descended from the skies, wreathed in smoke from the burning huts. It extended a ramp from which pale men and women charged out in white uniforms. They all carried strange weapons that squirted corrosive acid. With ruthless efficiency, the men and women rounded up everyone in the village into a line, and then began inspecting their teeth.

Joon was the only one not surprised by this development.

After the dental exam, Zaphod, Trillian, Joon, and Arthur were separated from the rest of them. A large round man with a broad smile approached them.

"Hello," the smiling man said. "I am the Captain of the Molar. We are here for the Chronological Correcting Fluid."

"Too late," snapped Zaphod. "It's already been and gone well away from this dump."

"You're lying," said the smiling man. "It's still here."

"How do you know?"

The man looked up at the skies. "I can feel the changes in the space-time continuum like a spider feels vibrations on its web. Nothing has been changed. The Fluid has not yet been used. You will take us to it."

Joon twisted her arms to try to free herself. "Who are you? Why are dentists trying to find the Fluid?"

"I am of these people, but not one of them. I am Paradox. I was created by the space-time continuum, born--"

"Yeah, yeah," said Zaphod "Get to the point."

Paradox looked at him. "Very well. I am here to erase the Universe."

The thin man next to Paradox looked at him sharply. "What? You said you were going to erase the Banishing."

Paradox turned his smile towards him. "Correct, Namel. As well as everything else. I have existed for millions of years, yet I have no home, no history, no goals, no connections to any world, no one like myself. I have grown weary of existence. I am here to die. I have tried suicide in countless parallel universes, but continue to exist in others. In order to erase my existence completely, I must erase the Universe itself from the very beginning."

"That wasn't part of our deal," blurted Namel. "We cannot erase the Universe. Trillions of teeth lost forever!"

Paradox leveled a cold smile at Namel. "I don't care about teeth."

Namel aimed his rinser at Paradox and yelled over his shoulder, "Attention, all crew members of the Molar. Captain Rincequik has defamed the mission of the Plaxx and demonstrated that he is no longer fit to command. As his second, I am taking command of the ship and all its crew. I order you to take him into custody and return him to Plaxx for court-martial."

Paradox began to walk towards the now-exposed entrance to the Temple of Time.

"Fire," yelled Namel.

The Plaxx fired their rinsers. Streams of acid converged onto Paradox. His body wavered at the edges like a blur. He continued unharmed.

The sky went black. A whistling noise drew everyone's attention upwards. A starship hung below the clouds over them, blotting out the sun itself. Minuscule dots came down from the starship, dots that resolved themselves into fighters. Arthur immediately recognised them as those that had attacked them on Hooloovoo, the Aggressive Sales Representatives.

The fighters swooped over them like drunken eagles, raining down weapons fire. The Plaxx scattered, some firing their rinsers into the air. A few streams made contact with the Sirius fighters, melting off wings and noses and causing the fighters to tumble out of the sky.

The massive tooth-shaped spaceship launched a devastating barrage of missiles at the fighters that exploded and caused a rain of burning metal. The battleship in orbit fired a single beam of red light that punched a hole in the tooth ship like a gigantic cavity. The Molar reeled in the sky like a drunken boxer, then fired back at the battleship.

Through falling spaceships and flying acid, Arthur caught sight of Paradox heading calmly into the entrance of the Temple of Time. He still wasn't clear on what was going on, but Arthur knew it had to be bad. He pursued Paradox into the Temple.