Really Wild Things

Chapter 21

On the starship Molar, Namel sat in the ship's lounge, brooding. He stared at the large screen in the lounge where the other crew members gathered around, cheering and whistling. On the screen, two women lay side-by-side in matching chairs while two men worked on the mouth of each one.

A hand clapped onto Namel's shoulder. He looked up to see Kav standing over him, smiling. Kav held a cup of green liquid.

Kav said, "What's wrong, Namel? This is supposed to be a break. I've made a fresh batch of mouthwash, the dental races are on, and you look like you've lost all your teeth."

"I'm sorry, Kav." Namel looked down at his untouched cup of mouthwash. "It's the captain. He's acting strange."

Kav sat down across from Namel. "What are you on about?"

"Remember when we encountered that unidentified ship, the bubble-shaped one?"

"Yes, I remember. The one with the perfect teeth. It went missing the moment we sent our communications wave."

"Right. But ever since then, Captain Rincequik has been acting very odd. He changed course to attack that planet Sirius IV, then ordered us to leave without even completing the dental treatment. Do you know what he told me when I asked him about it? He said we had more important things to attend to."

"More important things," Kav cried. "More important than teeth? That's impossible. The captain wouldn't say that. Delivering dental treatment to the Galaxy is our primary mission."

"He did." Namel glanced over his shoulder, then whispered, "And you know what else? He's refused every dental check-up since then."

Kav dropped his cup. The mouthwash spilled onto the table. "No. The captain has never missed an hourly check-up in all the years I've known him. He has the best teeth in the entire fleet."

"I know. I've been covering for him, but I can't keep it up forever." Namel grit his teeth. "You know what I think? I don't think that bubble ship was an anomaly, after all. I think it did something to the captain, affected his mind. I need your help."

Kav went to the dispenser to refill his cup with mouthwash. "Of course. Anything."

"I want to do a scan on Captain Rincequik. An unauthorised dental scan."

Kav turned pale as he sat down across from Namel. "My crown, you're talking about a violation of protocol of the highest order. An unauthorised dental scan is grounds for court-martial."

"And the captain refusing a dental X-ray is a federal offense," Namel snapped. "I know what I'm asking is a tall order, but the teeth of every member of this crew hang in the balance."

Kav gulped the mouthwash and swished it around, thoughtfully. He spat the wash back into the cup and set it down. "All right, I'm in. But how are we going to do it? The captain's quarters are shielded against scans."

"I have an idea."

Namel leaned in close and began whispering to Kav. The cheers of the other crew members drowned them out as the screen showed the reigning champion dentist hold up a hand. His cleaning was complete. The race was over.

But the war had only just begun.