Really Wild Things

Chapter 18

Ford woke up with a snort. He also woke up with a boot to his spine.

He cried out and rolled over to find a huge man in leather looming over him. The man woke a black leather mask, for which Ford felt profoundly grateful. From the gnarled teeth, leathery skin, and protruding brow visible under the mask, the mask could only be an improvement to what lay underneath. The only thing that could truly improve his appearance would be a flame-thrower.

"Back to work," the guard growled. With his looks and a Ultra-Ouch proton prod in his left hand, he didn't need a large vocabulary.

Ford scowled. "I'll have you know I was working. I was concentrating on the best way to throw the mail over the ledge, doing delicate calculations in my head. Now I'll have to start all over again."

Ford rolled back over onto his side.

The Guard did not respond, except with the hum of his proton prod firing up with the sound of a thousand bees trying to do a dogpile on a single flower.

Ford considered trying to run away, but knew he wouldn't get very far with the chains on his legs. He knew he would eventually be caught and beaten to the ground, so he decided to cut out the middleman and stay on the ground. Pain didn't bother Ford, but being worn out did.

"Leave him alone!"

Ford looked up at the guard being pelted with the tiny fists of Joon Plinx. She furiously punched at his legs, the only part of him she could reach. The guard regarded her attack the way an elephant might regard an ant on its throat trying to strangle it, then raised the prod.

A shadow stepped forward and held up its hand. "Uh, excuse me?"

The guard looked down at the newcomer with a furrowed brow. "Huh?"

"Could you not hurt them? As a personal favour to me?"

The guard squinted his eyes, struggling to form a thought. "Oh. Is that you, Norman?"

Norman the Android sauntered out of the shadows with his hands in his sides again. "Hi, Deev. How's the kids?"

The guard shuffled his feet. "Not bad. Unn's got the pox again."

Norman winced. "Ouch. Try moon-pepper root. That'll clear it up."

"Thanks, I'll try it. These two mates of yours?"

Norman smiled at Ford and Joon. "Yes, very good friends."

"Well, any friend of Norman is a friend of mine." The guard switched off his prod and lumbered away. "Take it easy, Norman."

"You too, Deev."

Ford sat up. "What are you doing here?"

Norman knelt down beside Ford and began unlocking Ford's chains. "I'm here to get you out of here."

Joon wiped sweat off her forehead, which was a bit like trying to wipe sand off the beach. "Get us out? How did you get in here? How'd you get past the guards?"

Norman took Ford's hand to help him to his feet. Norman produced a key that he used to unlock Ford's chains. "They let me in. Also gave me this key. I bring down homemade fairy cakes every weekend for the guards."

Ford brushed dirt off his back. Norman handed him his satchel that Ford snatched back as he asked, "Why are we asking questions when we could be running away?"

When Norman finished unlocking Joon's chains, she and Ford ran for the elevator. They clambered onto the metal plank that served as the elevator. Norman hit the switch to cause it to rise.