Really Wild Things

Chapter 29

Commander Namel considered himself an honourable and loyal officer in the Plaxx Dental Corps. Yet he knew that what he intended to do violated the most sacred law of his people.

He and Medical Officer Kav had devised a plan to get an illegal scan of Captain Rincequik's teeth.

Kav had dismantled one of the ship's high-intensity scanners from the medical bay. By connecting it to a low-fidelity antenna and a power pack from the ship's cargo, they had fashioned a discreet handheld device that would allow Namel to scan the Captain from within ten meters. The scans would go to the medical bay, where Kav would process the results within seconds.

Neither one was concerned about the logistics of the scans. They were more concerned with the ethics. If either of them were caught doing an unauthorised scan of any member of their race, much less a high-ranking officer in the Star Corps, Kav and Namel faced a lifetime banishment.

Yet since their initial discussion of their plans, the two men had become even more convinced that the risk was worth it. After their assault on Sirius III, the Captain had ordered the ship into a parking orbit around a nearby planet and retired into his cabin, where he refused to respond to any inquiries. The crew of the Molar had grown increasingly restless and confused over the hours and then days that passed. Every now and then, the Captain's voice would call out over the intercom, requesting a sensor scan of some obscure sector of the Galaxy. When the results came back inevitably as negative, the Captain lapsed back into silence. The behaviour was truly out of character for Captain Rincequik. Namel knew Rincequik as a man of action who would fill cavities and ask questions later. The Galaxy was full of bad teeth and the Molar was there to clean them all, that was Captain Rincequik's motto. This waiting around was unacceptable.

And so, Namel came to the Captain's Quarters and pushed the button to call him.

The speaker was silent.

"Captain Rincequik," Namel called out. "I need to speak to you."

The speaker remained silent.

"It's about those dental records you requested a search for."

The door opened.

Captain Rincequik stood in the doorway, smiling back at Namel. "Hello, Namel. What have we found?"

Namel held up a clipboard. "We've identified those records. They belong to two employees of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, Ford Prefect and Joon Plinx."

The captain barely glanced at the clipboard. "Yes. I know."

"Well, we think we've found a trace of their dental patterns in Sector GG8 Singular K Beta."

"Excellent." The captain took the clipboard to study the coordinates. "Prepare the ship immediately for a hyperspace jump."

While the captain spoke, Namel slipped his hand into the pocket of his jumpsuit. He said a silent prayer to Saint Ginjyv, the patron saint of gum infection, as he turned on the scanner in his pocket.

The scanner made no sound at all, yet the captain jerked as if he had been pushed back. His eyes shot up to meet Namel's. "What have you done?"

Namel stepped back. "I'm sorry, Captain, I don't-"

"You scanned me. Why?"

"How could you-"

Captain Rincequik continued to smile at Namel, but somehow his appearance had changed. It was as if Namel saw the Captain from a different angle, one he hadn't noticed before. In the same way that a black-and-white drawing of a vase could suddenly seem to resemble the outlines of two faces looking at each other, so the Captain suddenly seemed someone different. Seen at this angle, his body didn't seem quite so large. His uniform, which Namel would have sworn on his wisdom teeth was the typical white uniform of a Plaxx starship captain, now seemed slightly darker in this light, more white than grey. The way the light fell on the captain's round mottled face seemed to highlight lower cheekbones than before. The teeth that Namel had admired from the hourly cleaning seemed even more straight and white than ever before. Perfect.