Bill Hader Oneshots

Take Two

A/N: Thanks for the request!

"Action." Stand on your tippy-toes. Lean forward slightly. And...

"I'm sorry," I laughed, turning my head to the side. Bill grinned.

"She finally broke!" he announced triumphantly to the movie crew that surrounded us. A few applauded and even Judd, our producer, gave a bemused nod.

I wasn't known for breaking. In fact, I had made it through shooting everything in the movie so far without breaking once.

Well, without breaking first. Once Bill broke, which he was somewhat prone to doing, all bets were off. But in those cases, it wasn't my fault because the take was already ruined. And now my streak had been ruined by this stupid kissing scene. And it was important to me. This was my first big movie role and I did not under any circumstances want to mess it up. Bill had been in a bunch of movies, good ones too. And sure, this rom-com wasn't exactly like playing a cop in Superbad or the stoner from Hot Rod, but Bill was decidedly more in his element here than I was. No one got mad when he messed up, but I was terrified a wrong move would be the end of my acting career. Plus, he performed on live television all the time. I was a writer, used to hanging out behind the scenes.

I pulled myself together.

"Still rolling," the woman behind the camera said. I righted myself into position, smoothing down my dainty white dress and facing Bill, who stood less than a foot away from me on the edge of a porch.

"From the kiss," Judd called.

I stood on my tippy toes. I leaned forward slightly. I looked into Bill's eyes. I burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I apologized. My eyes watered as they called cut and Bill regarded me with an amused and slightly concerned glance. Please don't let Judd yell at me, I thought, carefully patting the corners of my eyes as not to ruin my makeup. This should be easy. Bill and I had known each other for years; we still worked together on SNL, where he was a cast member and I was a writer. Sure, it was a little awkward to kiss your friend, but it was better than kissing a stranger.

"Ok, I'm good," I promised, breathing even more deeply as if my breathing was at all the problem.

A camera guy started take two with a snap.

"Action!"

"I didn't think I'd see you again," Bill recited. His browny hair was getting kind of long, I noticed.

"Surprise," I replied, "Guess you can't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm glad."

"You sure?"

"Positive," Bill said, the final lines before the kiss. His eyelashes were so long. And even before our lips touched I could smell peppermint on his breath.

Think of romantic things. Rose petals. Luxurious baths. Scented candles.

It didn't help. I giggled. I clutched my hands to my mouth apologetically but the laughter didn't stop.

"Is there an issue here?" Bill asked with a shadow of a smirk on his lips.

"No!" I protested.

"No?" he echoed skeptically.

"It's just- You have to"—I giggled some more—"lean down so far to kiss me."

"That's what's making you laugh?" He shook his head incredulously.

"There's like two feet between us," I laughed, "You're standing on a porch. And I'm not wearing high heels!" He rolled his eyes but the way he looked at me made it clear he felt no irritation. Something in his eyes made my heart beat a little faster. And louder. I wondered absently if he could hear it's thudding from where he stood, so very close. I wiped the thought from my mind and pulled myself together.

"Alright, I'm good," I said with a smile.

"Promise?"

"Promise." He started to lean over again and I immediately devolved into bright laughter again. In my defense, it really was a comical distance for him to lean. What was he? Six-two?

"For God's sake," Bill said. He put his hands on my waist and lifted me, over the lip of the porch. Instinctively I wrapped my legs around him and now the distance between us was practically negligible. And then that distance was none. His soft lips were on mine and know I was certain he could hear my heart's dramatic drumming in my chest. We kissed passionately, like long lost lovers reunited.

"Cut!" the director called. Oh yeah. The movie.

~~~~~

"And that was the take they used for the movie?" Seth asked.

"Yep." I nodded.

"The script said we were supposed to kiss standing there," I elaborated, "but in post, I guess, they decided they liked the blooper version better, so in the movie when I crack up and Bill picks me up, none of that was planned." The audience of Late Night ooh-ed and ahh-ed.

"And that was in the summer between seasons of SNL, right?"

"Back when I was a writer." We looked at each other, sharing a nostalgic smile. The movie has done well. Not spectacularly, but it had gotten excellent reviews and made bank at the box office. I remembered Bill calling me one night, him answering the phone with "You know we have to do 'the Today Show,' right?" I had laughed nervously at the thought of meeting the hosts who had been impersonated so often on SNL. Hey, I just wrote those sketches. Kristen Wiig was the one who did the impression.

"But, as I remember it, the two of you weren't dating at the time," Seth recalled. I was transported back to the present. The curly chair. The silky feel of my dress against my legs. The studio lights so bright I could only hear the audience.

"Yeah. I just had the biggest crush on him." I tried not to blush remembering how awkward I had acted, trying to hide my feelings.

"And now you two are married!" Seth said. I grinned. Four years later.

"Yeah, and it's all Judd Apatow's fault."

"Fine with me," Seth confided, "Back at SNL, everything used to be my fault."

"That's what you get for being head writer!" I laughed. Seth frequently had to be the bad guys during our years at SNL: cutting sketches, slashing screen time, vetting hilarious but not-censor-approved jokes.

"I'm still trying to decide if it was worth it," he joked. The audience laughed in front of us, the sound like a crashing wave. I felt weirdly peaceful up here on stage after all these years.

"Tell me about it. Long hours, no sleep, poorly behaved celebrities." But I was only playing along. Just thinking about it filled me with a jolt of adrenaline. There was no rush like live television. God, was SNL worth it.

"Well at least you got to meet the love of your life," Seth pointed out. I grinned.

"At least there's that."