Not Even Death

Bigger than Us

Master Yoda makes an unimpressed sound, "Mmm, then no trouble you will have opening your eyes."

I expect to find the short green Jedi when I dare to do as he says, but I find more darkness, real darkness. The air turns cold, and I shiver as sweat still clings to my skin.

"What's the matter, Kanan?" That voice. Why do I know it? But there's too much strain in his words, like every breath was impossible, to know for sure.

"Who are you?" I call out.

There is a deep, ugly laugh from behind me. "Who are you?"

I turn to see a cloaked individual that would be eye level with me if I could see his face. He ignites a lightsaber, and it glows a deep red. The saber looks familiar somehow, but I know it doesn't belong to any Sith I've encountered.

With a swift motion, the cloaked figure forces the weapon into my face. "Walk on," is all he says.

Wearily, I turn to walk, but I find the darkness has lifted. In its place is the busy landing pad of the Senate on Coruscant.

"What are we doing here?"

"Watching," he rattles, "and listening. Hopefully, you will learn."

A transport descends and two men wearing Jedi robes exit. I immediately recognize them as Anakin Skywalker and his master Obi-Wan Kenobi. They're laughing, and for a moment, it's impossible to guess that he would become Darth Vader.

As I watch the scene shifts and a beautiful woman begins talking to Anakin in hushed tones.

"I'm pregnant, Ani," she whispers.

You've got to be kidding? Skywalker had a kid? I don't know if I should laugh in disbelief or irony. This is the guy who slaughtered every youngling in the Jedi temple.

"Amused, Jarrus?" Cloaked Guy asks.

I shrug as the scene shifts again. "Maybe a little."

He clicks off the lightsaber and smacks my arm with the hilt. "Pay attention."

I wish I had time to complain, but the new scenes drag me in. I watch Anakin, awake and pacing, at long hours of the night as visions of the mother of his child passing on drift through the air.

Skywalker was afraid of losing his family.

The creepy figure silently turns to me before his arid voice fills the room, "It looks a bit familiar, no?"

I shake my head. "I've never seen any of this. I don't make a habit of appearing in random people's private chambers."

"I see," he says as he stretches a hand over the room. Suddenly, the room grows dark and cold just like before. "I suppose you know how the rest of the story goes."

"Yeah, Anakin joins forces with Palpatine, becomes Darth Vader, and the rest of the freaking galaxy gets karabasted."

The dark hood of the cloak bobs as Cloaked Guy nods. "But what happened to Padme?"

"Who?" Is he just making stuff up?

I hear a low growl. "The woman!" he barks.

"How would I know?" I raise my hands in defense.

A blue haze falls over us, and there's a crowd gathering. Cloaked Guy walks right through the throng of onlookers, and I notice my body follows him even though my feet haven't moved.

"Watch," Cloaked Guy points a pale finger at the center of the dark street just as a glass box materializes.

It's a casket carrying the second most beautiful woman in the galaxy with delicate blue flowers in her hair. It's her — Padme.

"She's..." I begin to whisper. "She's dead."

As the words leave my mouth, the blue haze, the people in the crowd, and the casket disappear.

"It's a shame that Skywalker would go through all that fear and bitterness just for the love of his life to die in the end," Cloaked Guy remarks.

"You mean he joined the dark side..." I'm thinking as I speak, "just to protect his family."

"Fear is more powerful than you think, Kanan Jarrus."

Then, it clicks. This story is meant to be familiar because it's my story or some of it at least. I wasn't afraid to sacrifice myself for my family, but I...

"I'm afraid of losing Hera."

When I turn to Cloaked Guy, I'm surprised to see he's taken off the dark hood and even more shaken by the face that grins back.

It's me.

"Took you long enough," the cloaked Kanan laughs.

He tosses me the lightsaber, and I finally recognize it as the blade from my fight with the temple guards on Lothal. That was the day that I became an official Jedi Knight. As I hold it, the hilt reconfigures into my old faithful.

"Now, what?" I ask my double.

He frowns at me in a way that reminds me of how I feel talking to Ezra sometimes.

"You wake up, genius."

Happy Friday! I just wanted to make a quick announcement that I was looking at the views from last Friday, and I think some of you might have missed the memo that I double posted, so be sure that you read the chapter "Counting On" if you missed it!

Also, I want to point out that this isn't Dark Kanan in the vision; it's just Kanan. I think Kanan has faced a lot of darkness in his past, so he knows what shadows look like. This is just his own way of kicking himself in the... that thing.