short stories → wolfstar

i didn't mean to hurt you 2/2

                                   remus

holding his warm hand in mine, i run my thumb down his jawline.
"i told you to go" i whisper so nobody else can hear "i- i didn't mean to hurt you sirius"

i absentmindedly stare, and begin to count each of his freckles.
'i hate how they become more obvious in the summer.' his voices rings in my ears. only the other day he'd been covering them up, hating their very existence.

i sit for hours watching his chest fall and rise with each breath, his nostrils flaring as the air fills his lungs. i can feel my eyelids growing heavier and heavier as the morning drags on, due to staying up all night. slowly, i accept defeat and fall into a dreamless slumber.

"remus?" a familiar voice croaks. i open my eyes to see sirius staring down at me, stroking my hair as he smiles gently. he looks so ill. dark circles under his eyes, as pale as a ghost, bloodshot eyes. and to think, i'm the reason.
"am i comfy pillow?" he chuckles as my cheeks flush a deep crimson.
"oh sirius i'm so sorry" the words tumble out of my mouth before i realise it.
"you're sorry?" his expression contorts in confusion "for what?"
"for doing this to you" i gesture to the bandages covering him, biting my lip as tears form in my ducts.
"remus, this was my fault. you said to go and i didn't. i should be the one who's sorry. and i am. can you forgive me?"
without a second thought i launch into his arms making him wince in pain.
"oh i'm sorry siri!" i cry realising i've hurt him again.
"don't worry" he grimaces, trying to hide the twinging discomfort "it needs redressing anyway"
"i could do it if you like" i blush for some reason. he's my boyfriend. it's not weird to ask and yet i feel my cheekbones glowing like a lightbulb.
"go for it" he grins, hiding slightly rosey tinted cheeks of his own.

as i peel away the blood stained bandages i clap my hands over my mouth when i see how deep the cut is.
"oh sirius..." i mumble
"i've seen worse" he chuckles
"on a dead man?" i slowly dab the blood off him with a dampened cloth.
"i should be doing this for you rem"
"nonsense. madam pomfrey has already dressed mine with plenty of bandages. and mine... mine aren't as deep"

"the best thing you could do for me now is a kiss?"
"w-what?" i look around the hospital wing to see if anyone was listening
"you heard me" he smirks
"fine" i peck him lightly on the cheek before quickly going back to dabbing his wound.
"you call that a kiss lupin?" he grabs my face in his and brushes his nose delicately against mine. "i'm sorry about what happened" he whispers before caressing my lips gently with his own. i can feel him smiling as he presses us together more harshly, making my whole body feel electric. only sirius can make me feel this way.
"clearly we're interrupting" james laughs, stood with lily and peter by the bed, armed with chocolates and get well soon cards for me and sirius.
"oh no, not at all" i hurriedly go back to cleaning the blood off sirius, but not before locking eyes with him.

it's like we have a whole conversation in less than a second, and by the way he smiles subtly he feels it too.

it's like he's letting me know he loves me. and that he forgives what i did. i just... don't know if i'll ever forgive what i did.