JENNIE'S FIRST LOVE

Chapter Twenty Five

We stayed for three more days in the hospital before the doctor allowed Jennie to go home. Jennie was so happy when I told her that the doctor allowed her to go home. Of course, I'm happy too because Jennie is already in good condition but I can't help but to feel nervous. Til now I don't know how to tell her about what happened with Ariana and I while she's in the hospital.

"My love, you're so quiet." She put her arms at the back of my neck and nuzzled her head on my neck.

"Huh? Um... I'm just happy because you're finally discharged." I said and kissed her on the lips. But the truth is, I'm afraid to speak I might not be able to to stop myself from spilling the truth.. my conscience and I might tell her in no time. "I can't forgive myself if something bad happened to you."

"It's not your fault." Jennie said.

"It's my fault. If I only take good care of you, it'll not happen."

"Stop blaming yourself." She softly mumbled. "We both know we didn't want it to happen."

"You scared me, you know that?" I seriously said. I can feel my eyes starting to water. "If you feel something bad, please let me know. You shouldn't keep anything from me."

"Well, right now... I feel like kissing you." Her eyes were cloudy while staring at my face.

My tears stopped from dropping and I smiled. She cupped my face and kissed me.

"You. You just got better and you want it already?" I grinned.

"No..." She blushed. "I just missed your kiss."

Nothing happened between us that night. She's trying to regain her strength and I'm being thankful for it. Not because I don't want to have sex with her. I'm still feeling dirty for myself and I felt like if I touch Jennie, she might get dirty.

I'll find the right timing for me to confess and tell her the truth. I don't want to keep secrets for her. She's my wife. I owe her the truth. I hope she'll understand me that I did that for her. I did that because it's necessary. I hope she'll find forgiveness in her heart. I hope she'll not look at me like a dirty old woman. I'm thinking of those and I can't prevent myself from crying. I experienced a lot but I never cried for those before. But when it comes to Jennie, if she's the one involve, I tend to cry a lot.

I was just staring at Jennie while she's eating. She looked at me and smiled. "Why aren't you eating your food?"

"I love looking at you while you're eating." I said. It's been a week since she was discharged and now her strength came back. We still hadn't made love. She made me feel it several times but she can't make herself say it. I just think of some other things. I tried my best not to touch her.

It's time for me to tell her the truth.
She stopped eating and stared at me. I was silent for a few minutes. My heart is practically beating like crazy. Her brows arched waiting for me to speak.

"What?" Maybe she can't stop herself from asking.

"When you're still in the hospital... I had sex with other girl in exchange of money." I straightforwardly said. There's no easy way to tell her. Whatever I'll say, I know it will hurt her.

The fork fell from her hand and it fell on the floor. Her face shows no emotions. And I got really scared. I don't know what's running on her head.

After a few minutes she laughed humorlessly that made me shocked but her eyes started to water. "Y-you're kidding, right?"

"My love." I tried holding her hand on top of the table but she quickly pulled it away.

"Tell me this is just a joke!" She raised her voice.