Desiderium

10 Questions To A Questionable Existence

Sometimes the desire to want might seem far fetched.The want to want might seem far fetched.Perhaps most times.

While on the beach when you walked over to tiny gleaming eyes smiling a wide toothy smile and with her muddy hands as she waved goodbye twirling in her orange floral sundress in those layers did you see yourself?

Did you find yourself wondering if you'd ever find a peace as such with a life void of worry and distress of not worrying enough?

Does it break your heart to see the marks on your thighs run deeper than the pool you learnt to swim in where your feet touched the floor and you were still afraid you'd drown?

Have you forgotten how to hold a pen? And does the blank paper haunt you of the horrors you hide under the mattress of your bed? Are you still afraid you'll vomit terrors and absurdity on your tear soaked sheets?

I often catch myself imagining what things would be like if I were a little of that and a tad bit more of this. Do you? If yes, have you mastered the art to control it before it consumes you?

Do you believe in the wonders of the fairy tales? Do you still starve yourself to fit the tale? So When you look in the mirror do you like what you see Or in your reflection do you find a stranger?

Does it upset you that somewhere in these stars that twinkle someday there's gonna be somebody you knew? Or somedays perhaps that somebody is you? Does the somebody being you still not scare you?

Does the scent of warm honey oats make you fuzzy and fall asleep? Does the sound of music give you a mean to a muse? Does the aroma of boiling ginger tea and freshly baked Shrew berry Cookies light you up with glee? You do still love tea, don't you?

Do your walls still have stories and poetries smeared across them hidden in plain sight for anyone who is curious enough to find? Do they have colours or do they still have frames that host the ghosts of the past you feel lingering in the halls?
Do you find yourself uncomfortable around blades and pills Or are they no longer triggers to a truth you are afraid to face?

Have you found the courage to set yourself free Or am I still trapped with me?Will you ever exist Or does this end here with me?

-y.v