orenda [leo valdez]

lxiii. Apollo Rides Giant Flying Ants

❝some days, i feel everything at once.

other days, i feel nothing at all.

i don't know what's worse,

drowning beneath the waves,

or dying from thirst.❞

⤷ o.m.

△△△

Kira fell back into an episode.

It wasn't as nearly as bad as the one she had for the first month, where she struggled to eat, leave her bed, and talk, but she was still struggling.

She wasn't sure what triggered it, but she was furious with herself. She had just told Nico she was fine. Now, she didn't have the motivation to move out of bed.

Every emotion seemed to pang at her gut. Hopelessness, guilt, emptiness, anxiety, anger, you name it.

Sherman shook her in the morning, but gave up pretty quickly when the breakfast bell rang.

She buried herself underneath her blanket and pillows, trying to silence her sobs. In her fingers, were the dead daisies from Katie. Dried tears clung at her cheeks, bloodshot eyes, and used tissues told a clear story. Her hands shook, despite her fingernails dug into her palm in attempts to get them to stop.

Someone burst into the cabin.

"Kira." The voice was Will's, and he didn't sound happy.

"Just please," Kira choked. "Go away."

Will didn't give up. He sat in the bed next to her. She turned to face him, and his face sobered up when he saw her tear stricken face.

"Go ahead." She croaked. "Tell me I'm weak. Tell me I'm overreacting."

Will blinked. "Why would I do that?"

Kira paused. It took her a few seconds to realize that was what her mother would say to her. Even if she hadn't been alive for years, her trauma still lived in the back of her head without her even realizing it.

"What if I never get over him?" She sniffed, just above a whisper. "What if I continue to wake up every day of my life and want him so badly as the day that I met him? I'm...I'm supposed to be strong! It's been 185 days, Will, and it hurts as bad as the day I watched the sky turned gold!"

Will knew how to help heal people physically. He stitched people's limbs together, fixed broken arms, and cured sickness, but seeing Kira like this, he didn't know what to do. Will stayed, debating saying anything, hesitant to say something that would upset her more.

"You're allowed to feel human sometimes, Kira." He said softly. "And for the record, Leo loved you just as much as you loved him." He let out a small laugh. "Gods, Kira, if you could see the way that kid looked at you."