Trigger Warning: Read at your own risk.
Kabanata 20
Hanging
I CAME HOME crying miserably. Brain tumor? May gamot ba don?
Sinalubong ako ni Adela pag uwi. Sa bahay nila ako umuuwi, ilang linggo na. Mula noong nangyari. If you are wondering how's Tita Rosario's wake? It didn't happen.
Walang malapit na pamilya sila Adela para mag asikaso dito so when we asked her, she told us to just cremate her mother's body.
Gusto sana ni Mommy na siya nalang ang mag asikaso pero hindi pumayag ang ospital, maging ang funeral. Kailangan daw ay relative ang mag aasikaso.
She looked calm now. Nakaligo na at mukhang maayos na maayos.
"Kamusta?" she stated.
"Where's Mom?" yun lang ang nasagot ko.
"She left to buy us groceries. Nauubusan hahaha, eh hindi naman ako kumakain." pabiro niyang sabi. Honestly, it doesn't help.
Kumunot ang noo ko.
"What are you trying to say? Kami ang kain ng kain dito?" I belted. She didn't directly say it but that's how I understand it.
Her eyes widened at shock.
"Hey chill, that's not what I mean. I'm just trying to throw a joke. What the hell is up with you?" sagot naman nito.
"Hindi eh, you're trying to say something." I answered back, hysterically. She looked at me with disbelief.
I heard her sobbing. Nasapo ko ang noo ko, oh god! Not this time.
"Wag mo ko pakitaan ng mga drama mo ngayon, I have my own problem to face. It doesn't help na nagbebreak down ka na naman dyan ngayon!" I shouted walking past by her. I'm exhausted and her drama's the last thing I want to deal with right now.
Nakasunod naman ito sa akin. I'm clenching my fist.
"Adela, please ngayon lang. Leave me alone!" I hissed, almost spitting out my words on her.
I really don't know what the heck is up with me but I wanted to be alone right now. Gusto ko mag isip, magmuni muni. Everything has been tiring.
She looked at me pressing her lips together.
"Fine." she granted and headed her way to her bedroom. Her bedroom.
I also went to my suppose room, one of their guest room. Hindi naman dito natutulog si Mommy, dumadalaw lang. Twice a week, I guess.
Nakatulala lang ako sa kisame. I remembered what happened earlier.
"I have a brain tumor." Ethan whispered, almost inaudible.
My eyes narrowed. And I can feel my heart pounding wildly inside of my chest. Did I heard it right?
He have w-what?
Nagising lamang ang natutuliro kong pag iisip ng bumuntong hininga si Yvette. I glanced at her only to see her frowning face directly on me.
"Yvette, can you let us talk?" Ethan asked her that made her face softened. Tumango lang ito saka naglakad palabas. Napatalon pa ako ng malakas nitong isinara ang pintuan. Seriously, is she out of her mind?
I lowered my eyes to the ground. Nilamon lamang ng katahimikan ang buong kwarto. Tanging tunog lang ng aircon at ang mga malalalim naming hininga ang naririnig.
Hindi na ako makapagsalita, kung kanina'y nilalamon ako ng konsensiya ko. Ngayon ay tuluyan na yata akong kinain nito.
I slowly looked at him, pero nakatingin na pala ito sa akin.
"E-Ethan, I'm... sorry." I finally said it. Damn.
He only nooded and looked at me intently.
"Will you let me explain everything now?" he asked na agad kong tinanguan. Hindi na dapat ako magpakipot pa, pakikinggan ko na ang lahat ng paliwanag niya.
"I suddenly left 8 years ago... for an operation." panimula niya. I slowly walked my way close to him again.
"Y...You mean, you were already diagnosed 8 years ago?" hindi makapaniwala kong tanong na agad naman niyang tinanguan. Kaya pala siya biglang nawala.
Yumuko ako, muling kinakain ng konsensiya.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. Nanggigilid na naman ang luha ko, why am I such a crybaby?
I felt his hand on my shoulder, he pulled me for a tight hug.
"Gia, I know it's hard to understand. I am also aware that you may be overwhelmed for now. Let's just talk some other time. Uunti untiin ko ang pagpapaliwanag sayo. I'm always patient when it comes to you. I suggest you to go home now and take a rest. You need that." he said before letting go of his hug.
I looked at him wearily. I'm out of words. Gusto ko lang magsorry ng magsorry. For being so harsh, for being cruel.
Pero ayaw niya na munang pag usapan ito ngayon.
Umalis lamang ako doon ng chineck siya ng nurse niya. Hindi na ako nagpaalam at saka umuwi na.
I sighed. I felt that my feelings were invalidated, but it's okay, right? It's Ethan. When it comes to him, I will compromise.
Naramdaman ko na lamang ang unti unting pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Oh god, walang katapusang pag iyak. Why am I even experiencing all of this? All of a sudden?
Narinig ko ang sunod sunod na katok mula sa pinto na kaagad nagpabangon sa akin mula sa pagkakahiga.
"Gia! Open the damn door! Nakita mo ba si Adi? Wala siya sa kwarto ng mga magulang niya! Gia! Are you there?" narinig kong tawag ni Mommy.
I open the door widely. Her face looks so worried. Ano na naman ba 'to?
Sandali pa lang naman akong nagpapahinga, time freeze muna please.
"What is it Mom?" hindi na nakatakas ang iritasyon sa aking boses. Her face softened.
"Nak, si Adi kasi wala sa kwarto ng mga magulang niya. Nilibot ko na lahat ng pwede niyang puntahan sa bahay na 'to pero wala. Nilagpasan ko lang ang kwarto niya, hindi naman siya pupunta doon. Hindi niya kakayanin." mom explained.
My eyes narrowed. Oh shit! Sa kwarto niya siya pumasok kanina! Damn! Ang bobo ko!
"Mom! Nasa kwarto niya siya!" natataranta kong sabi saka nilagpasan si Mommy na nasa hamba ng pintuan.
Muli ay tinakbo ko ang kanyang kwarto. Eto na naman, tumatakbo na naman ako na tila may hinahabol.
Sana mali ang iniisip ko. Sana nagkakamali ako. I can't fucking loose her. Hindi!
Dali dali kong binuksan ang pinto ng kwarto niya. Hindi nakalock!
My heart sank deeper into my chest when I looked up.
Pabagsak akong napasalampak sa sahig. I am beyond heartbroken. I cried silently on the floor, still looking up.
Humans, why is it easy for you to take your
life? Why?
"Oh my god!" I heard my mom shouted. I looked down, wanted to scream but no words came out.
Am I dreaming? Please, wake me up, anyone? Just please, I feel numb.
Adela, my dear Adela is hanging.
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