Before my heart gives out (My hero academia)

I just got him back!

!Warning! Suicide attempt after the second break. 

"Thanks for letting me talk about this Todoroki." Bakugou hears Izuku say, voice too neutral, too emotionless for the conversation he just heard. "Please keep your promise." The teen says as if it's as simple as that. As if the new information he heard isn't important, not world-shattering at all.

He barely gets his body to move in time, pressing himself against the wall, out of the way and out of sight. Not that the latter mattered.

His back crashes against the hard surface and stays there. Frozen in what feels like a pocket dimension. Lonely and utterly silent. It feels like a weight he's been trying to get rid of is crashing right back onto his shoulders. A bone-deep feeling of- of something crawls out from the depth of his heart. An emotion he worked so hard to bury deep within him a long time ago. Feelings he usually hides with anger and random outburst. But now it's back and it's there, threatening to suffocate him with its sheer force. Sadness, his mind whispers. Grief almost. Grief for the friend he just barely got back, but is bound to lose all over again. This time for good.

His mind screams at him to shut up. To stop thinking about this, because surely it's not true, right? Izuku wasn't- He couldn't be... He just couldn't. Bakugou wouldn't let him. He wouldn't- He'd- He'd do something. Anything.

He feels his eyes start to burn. He's not going to cry. He isn't damnit.

Izuku Midoriya couldn't be dying. The world wasn't that cruel. It couldn't be. Hasn't the nerd been through enough? Bakugou barely knows a part of what the teen has been through and he already knows it was more than enough, it had to be. Life wasn't that unfair? Right?

Sweat gathers in the palm of his hands, his quirk flaring, threatening to burst out into the open. Much like the hammering heart that's beating painfully against his ribcage, making it hard for him to breathe.

He tries to suck in a deep breath, his dad taught him some calming exercises when he was younger. When the sudden disappearing of his friend affected him more than he liked to admit. When the guilt was stronger than he could handle.

When he used to want the world to swallow him up whole. When he wanted to hide away until he calmed down. Until the feelings disappeared.

This, this was one of those moments.

He feels the panic attack coming, he's barely holding onto the reality around him. The voices of his classmates blur together, a background noise lost in the fog of his mind. Kirishima walks towards him, his mouth moves, but Bakugou doesn't catch what the redhead is saying. His ears ring as if he's been plunged into the very depth of the sea, lost in the haze of it all.

A hand is on his shoulder, squeezing slightly, the weight serves to ground him a little. Long enough for some of the boy's words to break through the barrier his panicked mind raised between them.

"-kugou! Yo—Okay bro? Bakugou?" The words are muffled to his addled mind, but he manages to make out a couple of words. "Hey, maybe y-u ne-d to s 't down, man." The redhead takes him by the shoulders and ushers him out of the hall. Thankfully not gaining the attention of their classmates. The teen even has the foresight to get the two of them alone. Effectively dragging the blonde into a secluded room near the hall. It's the kitchen, Bakugou realizes after a moment. His eyes finally rising from their staring contest with the floor.

"You need to breathe man. What's wrong?" Kirishima asks, the worry in his voice makes him want to simultaneously punch him and hug him. It takes him a minute to realize that his breathing is settling, the redhead's presence was helping. It didn't stop his racing heart though, nor did it get rid of the crushing sadness he was feeling.