Illegal My Ass

Chapter 40- 'You're thinking about my penis aren't you?'

“Now why do that? Why lie? We both know there is nothing short, miniature, tiny or small about my hammer and bolts, so why say it?” he asks rhetorically, gesturing his head towards the so called ‘hammer and bolts’. “I have never had complaints.”

“Out loud?” I suggest innocently, enjoying how defensive he was getting.

He glares at me, amusement in his eyes “When it comes to my Driller, the thing I hear out loud a lot is ‘Oh dear god, how will that fit?” he squeals in a girl’s voice, opening his mouth dramatically and slapping his hand over it. I try and hold back laughter as he continues “Or ‘OMG Drakey, where do you find jeans with three legs?”

I let out a laugh “Shut up you idiot no girl has ever said that to you.”

“They have!” he exclaims. He places a hand over his chest “Hand on heart this girl once said that to me, you really think a man forgets a compliment like that?!”

I shake my head in amusement “You are such a bullshitter.”

“Oh really? Its not exactly that hard to believe though, you’ve seen it.” He looks at me, his eyes now twinkling with mischief.

I shrug “Nothing to tell your friends about.” I try and hold back a smile, and I see him try and do the same.

“See if my memory serves me correct, the 3 times I defiled you in less than 12 hours you weren’t telling your friends about it sure, but I had to put my hand over your mouth a couple of times from letting you slip it out to the entire neighbourhood with that very loud, pleasurable screaming and moaning you were doing?” he recalls sweetley, knowing the answer.

“I don’t remember that…” I mutter, not looking him in the eyes.

“I’ll refresh your memory.” He eagerly replies, suddenly sitting up straight. I placed my head on the pillow, not sitting up because I sort of anticipated I wasn’t really going to like what Drake was about to perform. “I think it went something like this…” He clears his throat before he shuts his eyes “Oh god, oh Drake don’t stop, oh my god, fuck fuck, fucking hell Drake harder. Ohh, Ahhh, Ahhh, AHHH!”

I blink as I look at him in amazement.

I actually think that performance was better than Meg Ryan’s in ‘When Harry Met Sally’.

He looks down at me with a proud smile “Memory refreshed enough for you? Because if it’s not I can always move onto act 2-“

“No! I remember there will be no need.” I cut him off, not being able to look him in the eye as I realise myself that was a pretty spot on performance of what happened when we had sex.

Don’t judge me, the man was like a freaking skilled master of banging.

“Are you sure?” He asks, moving on the bed so he is lying back down on his side facing me. His hand trails across my stomach and to my hip causing my body to stand up to attention. It was like the real Slim freaking Shady it stood up that fast. I still don’t make eye contact as I stare up firmly at the ceiling. His head lowers slightly, kissing my shoulder before putting his mouth near my ear “Because I would love to refresh your memory even more.”

I think if my vagina was a person right now it would have Pom Poms and would be doing a cheer of joy. She would be like an extra in 'Bring it On.' I mentally scoffed, i bet any money thats why those idiots in the film were cheering anyway. No one has that much energy unless they are getting some.

Tearing away from bad cheerleading films and back to reality...

I still don’t reply and keep my eyes on the ceiling, I think trying not to have another panic attack as I feel his hand trail on my side, touching my bare skin.