My Bluebird (2d x murdoc)

Chapter 1: Go grab me a beer

2d's pov:

Murdoc stumbled down the stairs and made his way toward the kitchen. He noticed me leaning against my hand, waiting for the bread to jump up and out of the toaster. Insults were being thrown back and forth before a pile of papers caught murdoc's eye. I looked over when the insults stopped, catching murdoc in a trance like state. I didn't look up from the eerily quiet man and continued to analyze his features. I never had the chance to do this. Every time I tried, Murdoc would angrily stomp away. I took this opportunity to continue staring at his intense features.

The ding and pop of the toaster made me flinch. A smile started at the corner of the black haired male's mouth that quickly faded. "Oi.. 2d?" he said, not looking up from his newspaper. A specific question slipped out of the very obviously hung over bassist before I could even react, "If you had the chance to tell someone you loved them, would you?"

I tilted my head up to look at Murdoc, he had no expression on his face, as if it were the most normal question to ask me. We never did have intimate moments and not once did the bassist want to have one, until then I suppose.

I was tired and didn't want to spend too much time on the topic "It's important to tell the person you love how much you love them... I guess" I said hesitantly all the while staring harshly at the burnt toast I dropped on my plate.

He replied to my comment with a quick "Love is a strong word..." He paused and said the last 2 syllables under his breath "cliche." His newspaper was grasped in both hands and he never made eye contact. I let out a small puff of air and smiled. How ironic was it that murdoc had dissed the word he so confidently used in his question. It was almost as if he realized it didn't sound right and made fun of himself for it. I had to agree though, it was a cliche. But wasn't that the point? The word itself wasn't supposed to be easy to use. I furrowed my eyebrows and contemplated responding

"Love is the right word." I exhaled the lie as I stood up with my hands holding onto the plate that housed my burnt toast. I threw the toast in the trash can near him and put the plate in the sink, returning to my seat as quickly as I left it.

"And how exactly does one confess such a... vulgar... statement, Dents?" Could he have been speaking of himself, did the bassist need advice? He hadn't looked up a single time from his newspaper but his eyes had remained in the same place for quite a while. After thinking, I realized the answer was simple. Love them as hard as you could until there wasn't anymore love left to give.

Unfortunately, all Murdoc did was block any affection I sent his way. the casual chit chat almost always ended with his "Go grab me a beer" and the abrupt ending gave you little else to think about until all that was consuming your mind was how you were going to get the next conversation past the second sentence. There was no room for "love" with the satanist.

I looked up at him and played off the thoughts that came into my head. Why was I bringing myself into the situation? He wasn't talking about me, his band mate, his "friend", his personal singer...
"By... forgetting all a-about them until they learn to love you back?" I obviously stuttered multiple times and was afraid that this would make my lie almost unbelievable. I said what I thought the satanist wanted to hear. I wanted to validate his actions before I knew what they were. Had he even taken action? Would he?

"That's not a way to love. It's pathetic" he said, finally turning to a new page, the passive aggressive undertones to his voice made me cringe. Instead of saying something remotely useful, I was taken back by his unnecessary use of force when turning the thin page. I pondered a little before settling on a very ill thought out choice of words.

"Well you don't have anything to add so I guess we'll see." I instantly regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I looked up at murdoc, hoping he didn't hear the hint of annoyance in my voice. I knew as soon as the bassist heard those words, I wouldn't hear the end of it. I was more so scared that murdoc would put his hands on me.

"So I guess we'll see?" he repeated, not telling so much as asking. He brought the newspaper to his lap and seemed dissatisfied with my answer. I flinched at the sudden movement. I could see he was more impressed than hurt and questioned my sudden state of empowerment rather than why the answer was so abrupt and certain. I realized when those words were repeated back to me that they sounded like I knew murdoc would act on his sudden state of "love".

"I guess you will" the words flowed out of my mouth easily and I didn't quite understand what I was saying. I tried to help the situation by using the word "you" as a way to focus the attention on him, rather than on the fact that I used the word "we." I still had no idea why I used it, and I didn't know why I was so quick to correct myself.

He looked up from the newspaper and straight at my black eyes. His glare pierced through me and I felt it, all the while letting my eyes wander wherever they pleased. I prayed he wouldn't question my response. I got one good look at him before returning to my former position, that position being me looking at the white plate I left in the sink.

The inconclusiveness written on his face made my stomach fold. I should have said nothing at all. His face was hard to read, as if he wanted me to figure out what the hell I meant.

He stood up and made his way toward me. "What the bloody hell does that mean" he growled. I flinched at the sight of the large man hovering over me. I was silent. There was nothing left to say. "Nothing?" he asked while tracing my jawline and pressing his thumb against my chin while the rest of his fingers lay against my cheek. He gripped my face and turned it towards him. I opened my eyes and looked down. His zipper was at my eye level but I couldn't quite see it since my face was turned upwards. I looked at murdoc and whimpered before letting the words fall out of my mouth.

"Why is it important for you to know?" there was a moment of silence before he continued.

"No reason" the words flowed out of his mouth so fast I could barely understand. He walked past my chair and made his way towards the couch behind me before muttering the words,

"Go grab me a beer"