I Hate Football Players

50: Jake Smash

Harper didn't need to know that I climbed Logan like a tree, but I did tell her about my Mary's House experience. She sat silent and hugged me with her blue eyes crystallized with tears. Her vanilla-scented shoulder trembled against my chin, so I said, "It'll be okay. I've got a lot of work in the self-improvement department, but I'm optimistic." Jake said he'd quit going to parties. Hopefully, physically distancing myself would stop my nightmares. It wasn't a perfect plan, but a place to start.

"I'm proud of you, Ellie," she whispered and squeezed the air out of my lungs. "And I hope Logan works out."

What was Logan up to? My phone was silent, but I checked it often. How many girls did he need to apologize to? The idea of hundreds made my stomach sick, but I tried to suppress those doubts creeping up in the absence of tangible proof.

I checked my phone like a drug addict jonesing for a fix. Harper caught me staring at my phone to magically force a message to appear. I was grateful for her sympathetic smile and her support, and I wished she knew the entire situation. Fuck, wish I knew myself.

My parents noticed my disengagement in our breakfast and dinner conversations. I caught their side-eye looks when I pushed away full plates of food and excused myself. Wednesday the USC recruiter called. Scouts would be present, who wanted to meet our parents. Mom and Dad hung up that call with beaming smiles and watery eyes, which reinforced my conscious effort to avoid Jake. Derrick told me I could take Thursday evening off work, but his offer was pointless.

Fortunately, Jake seemed oblivious to my foggy state. He was so preoccupied with the practices and film study, but I didn't want him to think about anything beyond football. Similar preparations probably kept Logan busy.

My 'minimize Jake-exposure' plan was executed as I hoped. As an example of my driftless existence this week, I sat on a toilet in an empty stall in the girl's bathroom during Friday's pep rally. A buzz in my bag. I blinked at it. My phone worked! I unlocked it and my heart slowed down a beat at the message.

Harper: Hey, skipping the rally. Also got detention.
Harper: Totally worth it, will explain tonight.

What trouble had she gotten into this time? My phone buzzed again and, this time, there he was.

L: Hi Ellie.
L: Are you there? need to talk.

My fingers trembled and I typed so fast, every letter was wrong. I probably came off as too eager, but I didn't care.

Me: YES!!

The widest smile spread across my face. It relaxed the tension in my forehead and pinched my cheeks.

L: Hi baby. 😏
L: How are you?

Me: long week

Should I tell him how I feel? I should.

Me: I miss you.

My cheeks warmed at putting those words out there but his text bubbles appeared. I grounded my elbows on my thighs.

L: Same. 😉 Where are you?

Me: Right now? Sitting on a toilet.

L: I didn't need to know that specifically.

Me: You asked for honesty.

L: I did. So did you.

"Come on," I whispered. "Tell me already."

Me: And????????

L: It's been brought to my attention that I didn't properly ask you to Homecoming.
L: [ image attached ]