Find Yourself

Chapter 10

Victor

"There is no way that he sent you that!" I felt my insides churn at the sight of the text. I wanted to cry. Derek looks at me uninterested, and says bluntly, "I guess you can't keep anyone, not Mia, and not Benji." I felt tears stream down my face, uncontrollably. I thought to myself, "How could Benji do this to me?" I walked into the lobby in a daze. I was not in control of my own body right now.

I sit at the nearest table, and Derek starts to laugh and says, "Aww, how pathetic-" Felix screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP DEREK!" I shook out of my daze to look at my friend, who was ready to pounce on Derek. He continued, "Let's call Benji and see what he has to say." I quickly look away, not wanting to continue this conversation, but I grab my phone and shoot Benji a message, "Get to Brasstown right now!" Not even a minute after I send the message, Benji calls me. I look at Felix, and I ignore the call and turn off my phone.

I stand up and grab my stomach, I say, "I feel like I am going to puke. I will be out back getting some air." I don't even wait for anyone to say something as I walk away. I feel like the world is crumbling away around me, and I want to be alone.

I sit down on the chair that Sarah uses to smoke on her break. I take a deep breath, and as soon as I let it out, the tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I put my legs up on the chair and curl up into a ball. I wanted to fade away. I close my eyes, and I attempt to close the world off from me, thinking, "Maybe if I wished hard enough, I could imagine my life without writing that letter to Benji, and I would have just stayed with Mia."

I look up from my knees that were curled tightly into my face, and I pull out my cell phone. I scroll to Mia's contact, and I froze, finger above the call button. I remember what Simon told me the first time I was in New York, and I say to myself softly, "As soon as I can, I need to go back." Felix comes out of the door and says, "No, you aren't going to go. Benji loves you. Something is off about that text, and I don't think he sent-" I interrupt him loudly and scream, "IT CAME FROM HIS FUCKING PHONE FELIX!"

He rests his hand on my shoulder and says, "Well, Benji is here, and he is worried about-" Benji burst out the back door, saw me curled up and crying, and said, "Babe! What's wrong-" I snap, "I am surprised you aren't with Derek right now. He is the one you want." I dig my face back into my knees, not wanting to look at him anymore.

Benji starts to cry and hearing that hurts more than reading the text on Derek's phone. I feel his hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to look at him. I refuse and try to squirm away. While I wiggle, I wind up falling on the floor, and I hit my head on the wall as I fall. Benji immediately gets on the ground and cradles me in his arms.

I quickly sit up and push him away from me. He says, "Babe! What is going on?" I stand up fast, head still throbbing, and start running away, screaming, "GO BE WITH DEREK! YOU WANT SAID YOU WANT HIM BACK!" I run down the street, and I hear Benji chasing after me. He yells, "Victor! How in the hell can I ever want him back, when I have the perfect guy in my life. I chose you because you complete me."

I stop in my tracks and look back at him. He is walking towards me, crying, and seeing that makes me cry. Derek walks up behind Benji, still holding the flowers and the stuffed bear, and I feel my heart breaking even more. Benji turns around to see him standing there, and I turn to run away again. I couldn't watch this.

I find myself almost to the school now, and as I turn around, I notice that no one followed me. I make my way around the back of the school to the doors outside the gym. As I walk past, I notice the bench where Benji and I had our first official kiss. I sit on the bench and, instead of tears, sigh loudly, which leads to screaming at the top of my lungs.