Vanilla Twilight

Epilogue

Psyche

'Papa's gone.'

My mom's words from weeks ago struck me again as I held tightly on my paintbrush. I looked at my canvas that's been blank for as long as I first heard Mom say it.

I couldn't bring myself to paint anymore. The only thing I loved doing.

I gave up on trying to come up with a piece so I sat on my bed and grabbed my phone to turn the music off.

YouTube was the first thing that came to mind when I was in stall, not knowing what to do anymore. I opened the app to try and fall asleep but the very first video recommended to me had my dad on the thumbnail.

Sobbing quietly was hard, my mom could hear me through the thin walls and I couldn't afford to let her see me in this state again. I never want to see mom cry again. So I tried to suck it up and click on the video.

My dad was all smiles, proud of what he and Mom came up with. It was obvious that he loved the art bar so much.

'I have a kid likely the same age as you are!' Dad in the video said. 'I would very much like it if you become friends.'

The girl who was vlogging nodded and smiled to him. 'Sure, I'm sure we'd get along well if she's into art as well.'

That made me smile, I miss that so much and that was the last thing he ever said he wanted. He knew I always have trouble on finding friends. I rolled my eyes, when I realized he just basically gave me one.

I ended up binge watching Ashley, which is her name apparently, and she's into painting with acrylics and gouache. Everytime she uploads, once every week, I was notified and whenever I get a notification, I'd give up everything I'm doing and watch it. Little did I know, I was liking her in every video that I've watched.

Months after, there was this one random video I stumbled upon. It wasn't hers, but out of boredom, I watched the entire thing. Surprised of the coincidence, I saw Rocketship Ashley in the comments.

Badly wanting to do this for ages. But it seems scary as fuck in where I live, the chances of me getting murdered in a roadtrip is like, sky high. Any non-psychos out there, pls hmu

I didn't know what the fuck pushed me to do so but I emailed her.

Meeting her for the first time was scary as fuck, and the next, and the one after that. But in our roadtrip, I got to know her better. All the façade she shows on her videos, every mask, all of them were down. Who I was with, was raw Ashley.

I liked her even more.

And I know she did, too. Because the lady from the vintage shop told me she got that bracelet, and I knew it was for me.

And I know she did, too. Because I heard her say it when she thought I was already asleep.

And I know she did, too. Because when I kissed her in the car, she kissed me back.

And I know she did, too. But even though she never told me, I felt it.

I felt her wild heartbeat and calm breathing, she was always like that. And I understand.

When we gave Norman back and she hugged me, then and there I thought that this was not going to work. A story that moved that fast never concludes well. Sooner or later, the plot of our story will fail.

So before it even started, I put and end to it.

I chickened out, basically.

I can't bear the feeling of losing someone important to me again. First my dad, then Norman, I thought that was the end of it, but now Grandpa left. I know I'm wrong for assuming things. But I got scared, terrified even.

If things are meant to happen, it'll fall into place.

I read the book she wrote and got published. I was one of the first persons to get copies from the local bookstore.

Vanilla Twilight, huh? I knew she heard me singing one Owl City song.

I laughed half-heartedly, realizing she even bothered changing my name on the to another goddess. Why did she put Psyche anyway? I guess her naming choice was better than to put my real name in which is a mouthful.

The night was long over and the clock told me it's around four in the morning. I closed my book and went to my veranda.

The sun has barely rose, but the stars were disappearing one by one. The moon however, stayed.

I know she's looking at the same sky as I am.