chap 17

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Bambam's POV

They were walking side by side, clad in their inconspicuous disguise of face masks, a hoodie and a cap for Bambam, and a bucket hat, round glasses, and a large sweater for Lisa. Their large winter coats added to their disguise. They took a route that was empty of people. The boys' dorm was close enough to be able to walk to and from the restaurant.

The blue sky was dimming and turning into the purple and pink colors of sunset. The winter air was cool, but it was manageable enough that it made their walk quite pleasant.

Bambam smiled every time they would bump into each other. At first it was all accidental, but them being them, the 'accidents' started to get stronger until Lisa pushed him so hard that he almost tripped. Lisa just laughed loudly, luckily no one was around to hear her manic laughter. Bambam tackled her and gave her a noogie on the head that was strong enough for her hat to turn around and create a nest of a hair underneath it. Lisa just squealed and pushed him away.

"Bam! Stop." They both laughed.

I missed this so much. I missed you, Bambam thought. They seem to have taken back all the time they've lost for the last couple of days. Maybe they've gotten even closer than before. That was their first big fight. They've quarreled a lot ever since they were kids, but they were all petty arguments that only lasted for a day or two. But they've gotten through it.

The fact that walls have been broken through made Bambam think, what if. For years he has been trying to deny this growing feeling in the pits of his being. For months he has been telling himself that it wasn't worth the loss of their friendship. For so long he stopped himself from letting his heart speak for him.

"Bam, I know we talked about this already," Lisa broke his reverie. "But I want you to know that I'm really sorry. I was scared, for no reason. I didn't want to drag anyone down."

"You weren't-"

"I know. You weren't a problem at all. It was me. I know you think I don't trust you enough or that our friendship wasn't enough for me to lean on you, but I really do. It was just a moment of vulnerability that I didn't want anyone to see or share. And I know now that I'm wrong."

"Good. Because I'll always be here for you." He held onto her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "You have a lot of people behind your back." He was happy that she was being honest with him. Maybe he can be, too. Maybe he can finally say the words that have constantly tried to escape his tongue. The words that belonged to her ears alone without her knowing.

"Yeah...I know." She smiled, looking at the empty road ahead. "Maybe I was also scared of other things, too." She heaved a sigh.

"Like?" His heart was beating a little faster, but he didn't know why exactly.

"I didn't want my issues affecting others and what I had with them. Like my friendship with you." She looked at him. It made him stop. "I don't want any kind of rumors to get in the way of what we had. You're my best friend, Bam."

She smiled at him sweetly, but it felt like his heart was being held tighter with every word and smile that he knew was telling him his 'maybe' and 'what if' will remain unspoken.

"I guess while I was doing what I can to keep that from happening, I lost you in the process. So I'm sorry. And thank you for taking me back. I don't know what I'd do if I lost a friend like you." She said this with a mixture of sadness and a touch of a smile, as if the idea of them not being friends would tear her heart. And what she said right after did exactly just that, not to her heart but his. "I hope we can be like this forever." Her smile grew hopeful and Bambam knew in his heart and mind that he will not dare ruin that dream of hers and take that smile from her. As long as he can, he will protect her precious smile.

"Of course, Lice. I'll be here." They stopped walking and he looked deep in her eyes. He smiled back, trying to keep the bitterness at bay. "As your best friend, I will annoy you till the end of time," he jested, making both of them laugh.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Lisa continued to walk with lightness at her every step. He can hear the smile from her words.

I wish I wouldn't either, he thought as he watched her walk away from him.

"Phi Bam! Phi Lisa!" Someone ahead of them called out. Bambam looked around, thankful for the lack of passersby.

"Baby!" Lisa ran towards her and welcomed her with a large bear hug. "I missed you! Why didn't you tell me you were coming, huh?" She pulled away and looked at Bambam's younger sternly.

"It was supposed to be a surprise!" Baby whined then looked at her brother. "But I guess Phi Bam had to ruin that." Her eyes were narrowed at him and he could only raise his arms in defense.

"I wasn't aware it was a surprise!" Lisa just laughed at him.

"It's not entirely his fault, Baby. I did see your name accidentally, so I'd still know even if he kept it a secret," she tried to defend him, which he gratefully smiled at her for. "Anyways, wanna go with us to the resto now? Our members are there for the celebration."

"I heard! Congratulations by the way!" She squealed, and once again Bambam thank God for the lack of people around them. "But I really need to go to the comfort room." Bambam was about to suggest she go do her business in the restaurant but she was already looking pointedly at him as if she knew what was going to come out of his mouth. "Now."

"Ok, ok!" He sighed.

They headed upstairs and just as Bambam opened the door, Baby was already running towards the comfort room.

"The first door at the right!" He called out to her. Then he looked at Lisa who was shaking her head at the young girl. "Want some water?" She nodded and he went to the kitchen to get a glass.

"Your room is at the end right?" Lisa said, her voice already getting farther away from him.

"Uh yeah. Why?" But he didn't get an answer. After a few seconds, he realized that she probably went inside his room. His heart started playing a nervous rhythm. He tried to remember if he cleaned his room while he hurriedly walked towards the door that was slightly ajar at the end of the hallway.

Upon entering, he barely looked at Lisa and was already scanning the room. He released the breath he was holding in, realizing that he fortunately did clean up before they left for the shoot.

But the relief that his tidy enough room brought him was short-lived. His eyes fell back on Lisa and he felt all the air in his lungs have been sucked out of him.

"Uhm what's this?" Lisa asked. Holding a velvet box.



A/N: finally wrote this down XD
Confession time~ idk if y'all guys relate to Lisa in any way, but I did kind of pull that from a situation that I am in. Or was in (i hope).
This quarantine has not been all that good to me. I lived alone ever since it started and have unconsciously put myself through self-isolation until I was intentionally running away from people. It has gotten better since I decided to open up to others about it, but still i find myself constantly pulling away, thinking I've already ruined some relationships that I've had with others.
Basically, the moral of the story is don't put yourself through the hell of self-isolation, thinking that you're pulling down other people by subjecting them to your vulnerability. Because you don't. And if anyone makes you feel that way, they don't deserve to have you in their lives.

Take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Especially in this very difficult times.
Love yourself and love others. Peace  v ^-^ v

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